so tell me about myself

Your Personality Is

Artisan (SP) You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations. You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky. You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations. It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school. You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you. You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience. In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment. At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur. With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out. As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes. On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

The Three Question Personality Test

(seen at LamLand)

on the mend

Tonto's medical procedure went well. However, there were some very rough moments these past five days. Codeine was never an option. The side effects of morphine became unbearable and Tonto eventually refused it. The body seems to have gotten used to Demerol from the previous go-around. Currently a combination of Tylenol and oxycodone seems to be working. But the day that the morphine was discontinued, the right medication and right dosage was not yet dialed in and the pain went unchecked until the doc came in the next morning and upped the dosage.

However, Tonto is progressing far better this time than last time. Don't know if Tonto will be moved to another unit or discharged home with continuing home care. Perhaps we'll know Monday. In the mean time, I have to go back to work since I didn't get fired. I'll head back to the hospital tonight, spend the night and leave for work in the morning from there. Tonto is leery of this particular nurse...so much so that Tonto didn't sleep a wink last night. I'll spend the night and plan to sleep sitting up. If I lie down, I'm out like a light.

book meme

I've been tagged by T.O., who has far more interesting entries for this meme, but here goes...
1. One book that changed your life: Catholic bible (honestly, though, no ONE book has ever changed my life ... I lean a lot on St. Augustine's Confessions as well and hope to eventually have St. Ambrose and the early church fathers thoughts in my mental tool shed)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once: Catholic bible (not that I ever finished it)
3. One book you'd want on a desert island: Catholic bible (maybe I can finish reading it while waiting for my ship to come in, provided that I don't get dragged off by native cannibal islanders)
4. One book that made you laugh: Alice in Wonderland would probably do the trick, but I've never read it
5. One book that made you cry: Joy Luck Club (I can't remember who gave me that book ... lucky for them)
6. One book that you wish had been written: no vote here because even if it were written, I'd probably not read it
7. One book that you wish had never been written: any book on the occult...I don't and won't read them
8. One book you’re currently reading: none...been collapsing of sheer exhaustion lately
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Catholic bible (well, I've been meaning to finish reading it)
10. Now tag five people: you, you, you, you, and you too

sorry, I'm not particularly bookish in recent years

rainbows

Driving home this evening I saw a rainbow. The sky was darkish, the sun was setting and the night was coming in. Spread across the partly cloudy sky was a huge rainbow, its red well contrasted against the darkish gray. The rainbow had blurred edges and had some parts hidden behind clouds; it looked like an oil painting. So big was this rainbow that I would have to turn my head to see the other end. Unlike other rainbows that looked transparent, this one looked solid, like you could touch it.

Yesterday I saw a rainbow as I was driving home as well. But I had left work earlier in the day and it was the "usual" transparent faint rainbow with the sun shining against the clouds. Yesterday, though, there was a moment where it seemed like I was driving right through one of the ends of the rainbow.

These rainbows ... it's as if God is saying "I'm still here."

ARRRRRGGGHHH !!!!

I attempted the CCNA test again. And for the second time, I did not pass. friggin fraggin *grumble* How shall I put it ... frustrating, exasperating, aggravating, agonizing, de-moralizing, humiliating, disappointing ... yes, my friends painful and bitter was this defeat. So much so that I inwardly whined "unfair!" violating my own rule of no-whining. On the positive side, I didn't score less than last time.

I have proven once more that it's hard as hell to cram successfully for this test. There are simulator labs on the test that I simply have not been able to pass. My dinosaur of a computer cannot run simulators so I've not been able to practice. As an analogy, it is sort of like being able to pass my music theory but not able play a music instrument and therefore failed the exam. You see, it's hard to learn to play a music instrument without having one to practice on. However, it is not impossible to learn this stuff without the simulator -- it's just harder.

I've calmed down by this time, though still bitter. I'm just going to have to crunch down and study harder, and get other study materials. Some of the questions on the test were not covered that thoroughly in the book I have. I have to remind myself that there a worse things: war, domestic abuse, poverty, etc. This was just friggin certification test.

Got a hair cut today. It almost would pass for a head shave except that I do have some length of hair left. Then I got my tires rotated (sure hope they rotated all four tires). It was closing time and the guys at the tire store were hurrying to get everything done before the advancing storm clouds hit us. It went from a scorchingly hot day to a storming evening.

Ps 23 / peace prayer

I occasionally take up the project of memorizing a prayer. This week's project is the 23rd Psalm and the Universal Peace Prayer. I didn't quite find the ideal 23rd Psalm translation, but I gotta settle on one, so I picked the NIV version. Kinda odd how it changes from third person to second person. Depeding on how crazy my schedule is, this might take me more than a week.
--------------------------

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.


The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
   he leads me beside quiet waters,


he restores my soul.
   He guides me in paths of righteousness
   for his name's sake.


Even though I walk
   through the valley of the shadow of death,
   I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.


You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
   You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.


Surely goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
   and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.


--------------------------
Universal Peace Prayer


Lead me from death to life,
   from falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope,
   from fear to trust.
Lead me from hate to love,
   from war to peace.
Let peace fill my heart,
   my world, my universe.
Amen.

worn out

Friday I was so tired. I looked at the clock (on my computer) and saw that my shift was over. I had answered all my e-mails up to that point. I shut down my computer and just got up and left. Nevermind that I had work piled up from yesterday. Nevermind that I didn't get to all the stuff I was supposed to get to today (or yesterday). Nevermind that I had put on my timesheet that I would work 14 hours that day. Since my co-workers were all busy, buried in their own pile of stuff, I bet they didn't notice me leaving. I'm sure they were shocked when they looked around and found that I wasn't there--I who show up at 7am and don't leave until 8pm or later.

I was just really tired. I couldn't take it any more. The intent was to come back on Saturday morning. After spending $65 to fill up both cars yesterday, Pogo said to save on the gas and don't go into work today. I'm all too happy to comply. So I'll just have a pile of stuff to deal with next week.

After paying this month's mortgage and light bill, my paycheck is just about gone, *poof*. Next week I intend to take a day off since Pogo is going back in the hospital and have asked for my assistance on pre-op day. Then I might take the entire week off the following week for Pogo's surgery. This is a job with no benefits, so we're talking no pay. Might be slim pickin' on the next paycheck. And if my employer is really pissed off at me by then, it may be my last paycheck. Then I would once again be liberated (i.e. unemployed). As I said, I'm just friggin' tired.

luv my car

Yup, I love my car. But I was willing to lose it, if it came down to that because we couldn't make the payments. I'm glad it didn't come to that. My brother has a competitor's model and his car has more bells and whistles, but I do believe I have a better engine. I took my car for an oil change this morning; I wanted to have a tire rotation too but the tire shop was packed and they said the wait would be about an hour and a half. I'll just try again another time or another day.

Anyhow, with the short wheelbase, smooth engine, and driver positioning for good view out the large windows, it's fun to drive. It being a little higher off the ground and having larger tires help me navigate flood conditions common around here. (Those larger tires sure can hurt the pocketbook, though.) Its short wheelbase makes for cramped quarters and it's not a very good passenger car, but I seldom have passengers. A short wheelbase also means that I won't be towing anything, but that's okay. They don't make the model in this body style anymore; this same model keeps getting a little bigger each time they modify it. I like newer cars for their increased performance and efficiency, but I sure do love my car!

We usually trade in our cars when it gets too expensive to repair (i.e. they don't make the model any more and it's hard to get parts). I don't know what the future of my ride is, but it'd be cool if I can drop in a newer model engine and maybe tranny too when this one gives out, and just keep the body style.

By the way, isn't it absolutely amazing how long your car lights last?

seeds

Seen last week but didn't have time to blog...
Over at the Holy Vocations blog, Estevan had been getting some advice to try the world before entering the seminary. Thankfully, wise priests have given him the advice that you don't take a good seed and put in it bad soil to see how it grows. Rather, you take that good seed and put in fertile soil. Hence for priests, the seminary is the best place to discern their vocation.

Likewise ladies, don't be afraid to enter the convent. You won't be snatched up and locked away for life. Both you and they will be discerning; you won't (and can't) go at it alone.

If there is anything that gives me pause, it is the thought that I might "waste" the community's resources. By "waste" I mean they pour themselves into me only to find out years later that it's not a good fit. I hope to mitigate that risk by being very discerning in the first place, deciding where to enter, and by likewise pouring myself into them when I do enter. I hope their lives will be a little richer for just having me around. Not bragging ... just a human thing. There are folks who have made my life richer just because I knew them, however briefly. (I thank you, God, for the beautiful people you have made.) In the words of someone else, we leave our footsteps in each others hearts. Then in the end whether I leave or take final vows would be a decision that I and the community make together as we discern where it is that God wants me.

short PSA

When you telephone someone and you hear the ringing, it is not their phone ringing that you hear. When you make a call, a signal is sent to the destination phone to make it ring. A separate ringing tone is sent to you to let you know that your call is in progress. Hence you don't actually hear the other phone ring (at least not through your phone).

bumper thing

standard Texas plate:

While stopped at a traffic light on leaving mass, my eyes were caught by the rear of the dark blue car in front of me. My mind was elsewhere, but I was somewhere eyeing the bright colors on this bumper. Our license plates have a tiny state of Texas separating the license numbers. On this one, the tiny state is rainbow-colored. On the bumper, starting from the left and running about 3/4 across is a very narrow sticker strip, also rainbow colored and each color clearly demarcated from the next (instead of blending into the next color). It caught my eye because it started out straight but then took a dip and then came back up across. Then on the lower left of the bumper is a small rectangle, again rainbow colors, each color bar stacked on top of the next.

Having had a few science classes, I'm used to seeing rainbow colors expressed horizontally. The rectangular vertical stack kinda caused a brain re-wiring somewhere.

My first thought was "hmm...they've got a license plate expressing their Mexican heritage." We have a strong Mexican subculture here. But then wait a minute, those are not Mexico colors. It was only then that I realized they were rainbow colors, as were the rectangle and strip. Now it got my full attention. My thought turned to Natty and I grinned, being very pleased with myself for knowing what that rainbow thing is. I thought that the license plate was fun looking, the rectangle was tasteful, and the strip suggests someone who isn't particularly uptight (they didn't care that it wasn't centered or that it wasn't straight). As with all people-watching, I wondered who the two ladies in the car were and what those bumper stickers meant to them.

The use of symbols - still a hallmark of being "human." Are there people who do not know that the cross sometimes means something other than the math operator symbol for addition? Are there many like myself who are largely unaware that the rainbow in this case meant something besides the light wavelength spectrum?

in sync

Friday morn my Dominican liason sent me "A BIG HELLO" e-mail (her title exactly). I didn't see it until I got home later that night. But what was cool was that as I was leaving work I decided to call her though I was completely unaware of this e-mail. She wasn't in; she was giving a presentation for some big meeting this weekend, so I didn't get to talk to her. Anyhow, it just kinda says that we're in sync, we both felt that it was time for a "hello."

"Dominican liason" sounds a bit bureaucratic but that's where we are at the moment. I am very fond of her and she assures me that the community is very fond of me. She is one of my favorite Dominicans, and if you meet her, I'm sure she would be one of your favorites as well. Anyhow, at this time my relationship with the Dominicans is facilitated through her. It's early yet in the relationship. Both sides have been very busy and we've barely seen each other. Hmm...but it seems that we're in sync.

movie tonite

Tonight, there will be another one of those rare excursions to the movie theatre. I am perfectly contented if I never see another movie. Pixie, on the other hand, is a movie buff. The compromise is to see a movie once in a while, particularly those with special effects that are best appreciated on a big screen. Jurassic Park was one of those; it was quite breathtaking to hear the boom of the dinasaur's steps and then to see the first view of them. Others we picked included Titanic, King Kong and MI:III. We'll also go if the movie is particularly meaningful like Schindler's List and The Passion. Tonight is especially rare because it will be IMAX ... Superman IMAX.

We have quite a distance to drive to this theatre, so to be sure that we'll get in, I got the tickets online. I could only find it at one place and they charged an additional $1 per ticket ... grumble.

It's been raining off and on in this city all week, and now it looks like it's going to rain again. Hopefully the weather won't be too bad when we take that trek tonight. (Going at the last showing of the day in hopes of avoiding the big crowd.)

4th of July

Happy Independence Day to all!

As one of the priests said on Sunday, we are blessed to live in this country, where we a free to worship and to practice our religion.

Indeed, sometimes I attend mass because I remember that there have been people who have had to risk their lives to attend mass. And here I am, all I have to do is roll out of bed, hop in my car and show up. I'm sure the general public would prefer that I practice some personal hygiene before showing up, but in theory, I don't have to. I think too of you folks up north having to bundle up your kids, de-ice the car and trudge through snow to make it to mass. Hats off to you folks. Compared to that, I don't have any excuses to miss mass.

Many thanks to for our troops past and present who guard and gain us our freedom. Many thanks to our public servants for their help in the governance of this country.

Dear God, please guide us. Let us not squander the gifts you've given. Let us not grow haughty and forget our neediness. Protect us from offending you. Teach us to live.

blessing

You can stop by Fr. Corapi's site and get a priestly blessing. Congratulations to those in Batavia, Illinois as he will be there for a speaking engagement soon. As is typical of his appearances, it is SOLD OUT. This guy can probably fill a stadium, really.

word

The one word meme as seen on Natty's blog and Susan's blog

1. Yourself: nondescript
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: steamy (HA HA HA HA)
3. Your hair: present
4. Your Mother: far
5. Your Father: far
6. Your Favorite Item: car
7. Your dream last night: none
8. Your Favorite Drink: yum
9. Your Dream House: heaven
10. The Room You Are In: cluttered
11. Your Ex: forgotten
12. Your fear: disappointment
13. Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Dominican
14. Who you hung out with last night: didn't
15. What You're Not: loud
16. Your Best Friend: Jesus
17. One of Your Wish List Items: life
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: typed
20. What You Are Wearing: casual
21. Your Favorite Weather: variable
22. Your Favorite Book: none
23. The Last Thing You Ate: popsicle
24. Your Life: adventure
25. Your Mood: careless
26. What are you thinking about right now: bumming

dreaming

Got the state inspection sticker on both cars, filled up my tank, got some moolah from the bank and mailed off some stuff. So goes the morning.

Right now, I all of a sudden would like to go horseback riding. A nice english saddle on a clean saddle pad, securely cinched; a simple snaffle bit bridle with supple reins; and of course a quiet, easy-going horse. It's a little strange perched up there on the horse's back with nothing to stop you from just falling right off. Yup well maybe one day I'll find myself riding a horse somewhere.

Right now I best finish my popsicle and surf for jobs.

of course

As to be expected, my resume went out to some places over the weekend. Hopefully I'll get some bites.

Right now I just want to flat out quit. Yup, bum out, do nothing. But of course that isn't going to happen.

dazed

Been buried in work. Show up at 7am and work like mad until 6pm when I can then get up, stretch, make a pit stop and grab something from the vending machine and then resume working at a slower pace until 10pm. Well okay, I was late two days this week; one from oversleeping and the other due to weather/traffic. Pretty easy to forget to turn on the alarm when I'm just collapsing to bed.

I did leave work at some reasonable time yesterday to attend a Sacred Heart mass. So I spent this morning at work.

Can't really tell the clientele that I suck at my job because I'm new. Honestly I don't think I'd suck any less in another three months. Seems like I'm having to apologize to somebody everyday. But you can't say I didn't give it my best shot.

Outside of work, so long as you don't ask anything complicated from me, I think I can manage. "Autopilot" comes to mind.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers, dads and "old man" out there.

Research has indicated (though I don't have the source for citation) that it is the father's faith that has the greatest impact on the faith of the children. Sure, there may be more religiously devoted moms than dads, but it's the families with religiously devoted dads that are more likely to have children who continue the faith.

For me personally, it is quite compelling to see my pastor kneel in prayer instead of relying on his own strength. And he's no wimp. Even though he's on the "senior" side, I don't doubt that he can still kick a**.

As for my own father... I remember he came home one night, woke me up, took a drive and went to the movies with me on his lap (it was crowded in the place). I was no more than seven; a major event happened when I was seven, and this was before that. We never spoke a word that night (heck, I was probably half-asleep) and to this day I have no idea what that was all about. Nor will I ever ask. And I'd never given it much thought, but this being father's day, the memory surfaced.

watermelon

yum
yummmm...watermelon! A friend of Pooh's picked up a watermelon for us (and then I picked it up from there and brought it home). I just had some and it sure was yummy! Add that to my list of favorite foods.

danger
By the job is a rather dangerous intersection. It is a short strip by the freeway with two traffic lights ... that is while you're at this intersection, you're only a few cars away from the next intersection. If you don't pay attention, you'd see the other traffic light and think it's yours. So although the other light a little further turns green, yours is still red but you think it's your turn to go and you go. And wham! you get broadsided. It almost happened to me when I was leaving work late one night. Fortunately traffic was light and I was spared. But a few days ago, the first of two cars ahead of me wasn't as lucky during rush hour. So after seeing that, I've decided not to go that route any more. My alternate route is occasionally blocked by a passing train ... which was the case on the day that I was picking up that yummy watermelon.

Also too, on my way to pick up the watermelon, if I were to take my usual route home, I'd be overshooting if I continued on and take the third freeway. I could exit early from the second freeway and traverse some neighborhood streets or I can exit a little less early and traverse a more isolated road. But I remembered that just a week or so ago on the news was a report of a fatal accident on that more isolated road. I didn't know where exactly it was, but it wasn't far from the freeway. So I avoided the isolated road as well.

So there, two dangers averted on the way to picking up a watermelon at night.

cold showers

no gas = cold showers

warm bath is a possibility, but I just don't see how I'd be clean sitting in the same water that is supposed to clean the filth off of me

anyhow, yes, life throws curve balls

thnx

Hey, thanks, Sr. Steph. A friend of mine is making her first annual profession on Sunday (today). She is a CDP Sister. Since I couldn't be there, I decided it'd be cool to send an e-greeting at a minimum. I was going to send an Amercan Catholic greeting card, but then I remember Sr. Steph had introduced us bloggers to the delightful hoops & yoyo. So I went with that instead. I hope I didn't muck up the CDP's network with too much traffic ... I only sent out 4 of those. It took me hours to pick out the four cards thanks to "dial-up modem" technology. Anyhow, thanks, Steph!

Oh and hey, Susan, congrats on your entrance to the novitiate! (yeah, I'm just a little behind on the news)

:)

I occasionally stop and take a brief inventory of my blessings. Among them are:
No friends or relatives who are chronically sick and in need of my constant care. Well there's Pooh, but hopefully those health issues will be resolved by next year. No friends or relatives who are imprisoned, or suffering from addiction, or are victims of violent crime, or are missing.

Aside from what is not, I am also grateful for what is:
Thank God I'm Catholic, that we have Church, that we have priests, Brothers, Sisters, nuns ... the religious. It blows me away that we have people praying for us while we're too busy about our lives. Part of our intercessory at mass is "we pray for those who have no one to pray for them."

Thank God for the small things in life. Today Pooh and I hold in our hands the titles to our cars. Yup, the two cars are now paid out. They both are in need of repair, but never mind that for the moment. We are now freed from the car payments that we couldn't quite afford. Um, that called for a good dinner - one that you eat with a knife and fork, not one that you hold in your hands between two pieces of bread.

gobbledygook

Hello there, regular readers. I still get a few visitors daily, much to my surprise. (It's a pleasant surprise.) At the rate I'm going, you can probably stop by once every two weeks and catch up on anything on my blog. I do feel a little bad that I don't have anything interesting for you. But on the other hand, it means that you don't have to spend much time here.

My work shift has changed and now I'm not able to attend daily mass. Nor am I able to visit my spiritual director. Hopefully I won't make a habit of that.

It's not been pretty on the home front. As you well know, if you are ready for a change and the other folks around you are not, the result is usually much tension and maybe some chaos.

Not sure yet where I'm going with my job. It currently consumes my life. But due to inertia, change doesn't happen until I get a a huge whack on the head that says it's time to change directions. Wish I could tell you about my job and share the misery, but that's rather privy info. I believe today's terminology would be "to suck it up" which is more swaggering than "to grin and bear it."

I do have a personal rule: no whining. If you're not going to do anything about it, then shut up already. So pretty soon you won't hear too much more about the job from hell. ( And yes, whining is a major pet peeve of mine. Venting is ok - that's a one-time event. But whining knows no end. )

I really should take my butt to bed, but perhaps one game of websudoku won't hurt.

bummer

Took my first shot at the CCNA exam today. Didn't pass. Needed 849 score and I got 737. Good thing the company paid for it. It'd hurt much worse if the cost of the test came out of my pocket.

back to the drawing board ...

timeless

Of all my college books, about the only one that I pull back out from time to time is the Oxford Anthology of English Literature. Though I don't own one, I do also love the Little, Brown Handbook. And is there anyone who has not read the Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr.? Anyhow, here's one piece from the anthology:

Sonnets of William Shakespeare

XXIX.
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deal heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

it sucks

Ok, so it's not grueling physical labor, but it still sucks. I worked until 10 p.m. Thursday and Friday. Friday morning, I was so tired, I apparently turned off my alarm clock and went back to bed. I don't remember doing that, but it must have happened. I woke up to my secondary alarm at 7 a.m. Thank goodness for redundant systems. Anyway, so I missed mass on Friday. Did I stop working at 10pm because I was caught up? Noooooooooo. I stopped because I ain't working past 10. Mind you, I'm supposed to be off at 6. I'm still not caught up and the stuff keeps rolling in - a new pile of stuff every day and folks wanting their stuff taken care of.

It's a constant race against the clock. From the moment I start in the morning until I quit, I'm in front of a computer working as fast as I can. I am forced to break to use the restroom, other than that, it's constant. Can I stop and have a conversation with a co-worker? Not if we both are trying to stay on top of things.

There are some others working late with me. One of them said something to the effect of "No way am I going to lose this job." So I'm thinking that guy must know something I don't. My last job was 43% more money for probably 43% less work. Again, I'll just have to stick it out and see how things goes. Maybe as I get better at it, I won't have to put in so many extra hours. I ain't no friggin quitter. However, if it doesn't get better by end of August, I'm going to make plans to walk.

Today, Pooh and I will go see Mission Impossible and run some errands.

Go Spurs!

week in review

A moment of prayer for vocations ... (pause) ...

ok

I decided to go with the 6:45 a.m. weekday mass mainly due to traffic--it's so much better at six-something in the morning. So for weekday mass I'm actually at the parish I prefer. Ideally I would study in the time between end of mass and start of my shift, but most of the time it's half study because I'm half asleep.

It so happens that this particular parish has a school. One morning I heard the announcements, given by two students. Whether I can hear it or not depends on the parking lot I choose. Being a visitor, I had unwittingly chosen that parking lot that day. Anyhow, the first kid led the Our Father then Hail Mary and Glory Be. The second kid did the Pledge of Allegience (and actually, an adult did the announcements). Wow, now that's a good wholesome start to a day. It gave me a warm feeling inside, a little nostalgia and a lot of confidence that these kids are in good hands. I never got the prayers in school as a kid, but I certainly did the Pledge.

Friday morning I entertained the thought of missing mass. Then it occurred to me that it's first Friday and in truth, other than mass, I wouldn't be doing anything special to commemorate the day. So I got my butt up and made it to mass.

I'm not liking my new job. But there are really intelligent people at the job, so there must be a good reason to stick around. So I guess I need to stick around and find out what that reason is. Also, if I were to move in with the Dominicans, I'd be a mere few minutes from the job. Gotta leave some room for those dreams.

I didn't do didly squat yesterday. I don't want to do anything today either, but I'm going to have to. I did go to mass and did my volunteer thing, but I'm definitely not on the positive kick I usually am on when I'm at my parish. I didn't even really make an effort to give my pastor a hug (usually you have to wait in line--that's the "effort"). I'm just not a happy camper, but I'll make it.

Naked again

The last time I tried Naked juice, it was the Mango flavor and it was good.

Today I tried the Pomegranate flavor ... yecht!!

So Naked Pomegranate is not recommended.

Cheers.

love CSS?

then check out

• Open Source Web Design
• CSS Zen Garden

Maybe one day I'd have the time to play around with CSS ... like maybe learn the stuff.

just taking a break from studying for the CCNA cert ... it's painstakingly slow progress for me on that front ... I'd rather be studying something else like Dominican stuff

trying to get back to the groove

There are two parishes near my job that I can visit. There's one that has morning mass at 8:10; I can probably make that one since my shift doesn't start until 9.

The other one has morning mass at 6:45. To make that, I'd have to get up around 5 and head out at 6. I would prefer that parish but I don't think I'm disciplined enough for that. However, they do have perpetual adoration - I should be able to go visit at any time. If I start getting swamped on the job and need to go in at 8 just to catch up, then this parish would be an option.

I think I've ignored my Lord long enough. Now that my work schedule has stabilized, I ought to attend daily mass. Jesus awaits me daily, I ought not to forget what a privilege it is to attend mass. So beginning on Monday, I will try to make mass a part of my routine. God knows I desperately need Him.

on the vocations front...

Woke up with a little tummy ache. It made me a little late to meet with Sr. X of the Dominicans. I took a lunch break but still didn't eat. Intended to grab a snack at the end of my shift, but as I was walking to my car, I realized that I hadn't snacked. Yeah I'm on the edge with my new job. Fortunately I'm not alone; there are other newbies. Funny how us humans can't really take being "alone;" we find comfort in just being able to share--no matter how little the sharing.

Well, I didn't get laughed out of the convent at my revelation to Sr. X that I wanted to join them. I don't think they were surprised. Sr. X suggested that I do some Dominican reading when I have the time, and of course, I'd have to get rid of my debt before entering.

Dear God, you've brought me this far. Please continue to work your miracles ... I need them on my job, in my volunteer stuff, just in my life in general, but definitely it will take a miracle to get me into the convent.

Tonto in the mean time is going a little banannas. "So you'll give me a few years to forget about you?" Look, I'm not going to be cloistered and the Dominicans have been very open. "I won't be able to afford xxx." Sigh...Dear God, please don't make it my problem.

checking in

Been crazy busy; falling asleep exhausted at the end of the day. Moneybags, thanks for your greetings; been meaning to reply but too busy.

Tonto made a doc visit today. A friend did the chauffeur service. Very good and positive reports from the doc. Maybe Tonto will drive self to physical therapy starting next week.

Still not quite setup at work to do work. Maybe tomorrow. This is weird. How is it that you knew you'd have new hires, you knew that they'll be in training for two weeks, and yet you don't have what they need to get started after all that time? Did I mention that one of the things that frustrated me on my last job was that I didn't have the resources I needed to do my job?

Meeting with a Dominican next week to talk about where we take things from here. Dominicans invited me to their Triduum services. I could only make the Holy Thursday with them. I stumbled over the "May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands for the praise and glory of his [God's] name, for our good and the good of all his [God's] church" -- they said the version in brackets and I, not. I winced, not so much at the inclusive language, but rather at my failure to blend in. Yes, inclusive language abrades me, but I wanted to set that aside while I am guest.

They did a washing of hands. Being my usual social klutz, I failed to observe and when I got up there, I was clueless as to what to do. My poor paired Dominican kinda floundered with me for a moment then she grabbed my hands and we got through it. Somewhere in that awkward moment, she carved a niche my heart as well.
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When my work schedule is set, I will need to re-start spiritual direction.

Happy Easter

HAPPY EASTER

to all!

Last night we had about 15 newly minted Catholics, five of whom were newly baptized.

get Naked

I was in the fresh veggie section of the grocery store this evening and spotted the Naked fruit smoothies. I grabbed the Mango flavor. Not bad. So I hereby recommend that y'all get Naked [fruit smoothies].

At $2 a pop (15.2 fl. oz. bottle), it's not cheap in my book; but I think I can splurge once in a while. I didn't look at their website, but it's at www.nakedjuice.com

PSA and blurb

Happy Palm Sunday to all!

PSA...

Just a friendly reminder that blessed items (like palms from Palm Sunday) are never to be disposed of by putting them in the trash. Proper means of disposal are incinerating or burying. There's a very good chance that religious items that are inherited from relatives are blessed, so better to handle them as such.

This ends the PSA. Thank you.
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My pastor mentioned this morning that we may at times hear the name of Jesus used in a non-prayerful manner or otherwise irreverently. He suggested that we quietly counter that with "Blessed be the name of Jesus."
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I've been very fatigued. New job. New commute. Study training materials, study for certification test, help Tonto, do everything at home that Tonto can't ... just tired. I was wondering how I was going to handle Holy Week. In the past, I'd always attended the entire Triduum plus the Chrism mass. This year, I've not even given much thought to Lent and have missed every reconciliation service, fish Friday, and soup Monday.

If I attend the Holy Thursday and Good Friday services, I'd be leaving Tonto to fend for self practically the whole day, so I'll have to see how Tonto wants to handle it. Chrism mass is probably out of the question (then I'll REALLY be gone the WHOLE day without stopping by the house because it'd make more sense to leave work and go straight there). Else I've decided to drop the study for certification since Holy Week only comes once a year and I ought not to let anything stand in the way of properly "celebrating" the week. Will have to see how it goes.
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Wishing all a most Blessed Holy Week !!!

navel gazing ABC's

as seen at various blogs...

Accent: I think none. But some say I have a Texan accent.
Booze of choice: Powerade
Chore I hate: cleaning house; I suck at it; if I live alone, I'd have next to nothing so that cleaning would be simpler
Dog or cat: both
Essential electronics: watch
Favorite perfume(s): none
Gold or Silver: what's the occasion?
Hometown: somewhere in U.S.A.
Insomnia: the extreme opposite
Job Title: um...it's salaried non-management
Kids: 0
Living Arrangement: 1 story house w/yard in the 'burbs
Most admired trait: in me? dunno
Number of Sexual Partners: 0
Overnight Hospital Stays: once, for 2 days
Phobia: public speaking
Quote: "Seek first the kingdom of God."
Religion: stone Catholic
Siblings: 4 older bro
Time I wake up: Usually between 7-8am on my own. This past week it was 6am or a little after. But next week I have to be at work at 7, so I'll probably get up at 5 or 5:30am.
Unusual talent/skill: nothing unusual about me
Vegetable I refuse to eat: lima beans, green peas, black beans
Worst habit: I'm friggin forgetful I don't drink enough fluids, water or anything else.
Xenophobia or Xenophilia?: how about neutral?
Yummy foods I make: uh...cornbread dressing?
Zodiac Sign: virgo

1st day

OK, I'm officially hired. I got the employee badge and parking sticker. I was told that I passed my background check. One guy feigned surprise when informed that he passed his background check. hee hee

On my old job, the rule is to never act surprised. If it breaks, at least make it look like it was either designed to do that or you knew about it.

There is about half a dozen of us new hires. The company promotes from within, so they have to backfill the bottom slots.

I don't think they have a dress code. I'm trying to decide whether to maintain office casual as a reminder to them that I'm professional and should be promoted (as soon as fitting), or to go jeans/t-shirt to show that I'm a team player and good sport, willing to blend in. I think the rule is to never out-do your boss, dress or otherwise.
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Visited with Tonto in the hospital after work. Brought home as much as possible, leaving only what Tonto needs for tomorrow. A friend will provide the chauffeur service. Got home later than I wanted. Made chicken vegetable soup so that Tonto and friend would have something to munch on if desired. I'd classify the soup as "light," not much flavor but certainly edible. I might pack some for lunch.

We've been rather unsatisfied with the nursing staff. General complaints would be untimely response, loud talking, unconcerned attitude, and general lack of attentiveness, sometimes downright rudeness. At night, they're rather free to do as they please since they're not under supervision. Tonto no longer relies on the night staff for anything and would rather suffer doing things self or do without. When I was there, I'd be the one helping. So good thing Tonto is coming home Tuesday.

zzz

Didn't even hear my alarm this morning, but Tonto woke up and needed my assistance so I was up in time, though later than planned. The first of my two volunteer gigs started half an hour later this morn, giving me time to get home and shower. I snoozed through part of both volunteer gigs. One of them was during mass, causing me to miss part of my pastor's homily -- my favorite pastor who gives great homilies! I've been quite tired the past several days and just couldn't really wake up this morning.

normalcy, please

Looking forward to a normal life. One week+ in the hospital isn't exactly fun. Just helping out Gumby. Nurses didn't know what to think of me, and I didn't care to explain or socialize. No, I'm not some overprotective love interest. I'm a just sticking around because Gumby so requests. When Gumby said to me this morning, "I'm sick of you." My natural reply was, "Great, can I go home now?" So I have some hours of freedom here, doing some of Gumby's laundry, running a few errands, maybe clean up the house a bit, and certainly a few rounds of web sudoku.

New job on Monday. I still have to apply to some places this week so that I can get unemployment benefits for the week.

Mass and communion has been weird, never on any regular schedule. Haven't read a lick of spiritual stuff. So out of it.

Gumby will be discharged on Tuesday 4/4, so ends the hospitalization saga. whew!

My friend with the lung tumors is up and about. Treatment at this time does not include chemo or radiation. Thanks be to God.

hired

As promised:

Yes, I got hired. Temporary for the moment. Permanent hire is contingent on me getting my CCNA within 120 days. Big cut in salary from my previous job, but this is going to be a great learning opportunity and a great start on a new career. I got the call on Friday. The Fed-ex package arrived on Saturday, I'm just now getting home today to pick it up; have not read it.

Gumby got tubes and such attachments removed on Friday and got moved to the re-hab unit on Saturday. It has been extremely rough going for Gumby -- psychologically, emotionally and physically. I'll get back to the hospital as soon as I can.

My friend with the lung tumors was expected to go home today or tomorrow. I heard that my friend continues to be in great spirits ... ah, so in character. And me over here selfishly fretting over the prospect of losing such a beautiful and amazing creation that is my friend.

prayers needed

Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. Gumby's medical procedure went without a hitch. Now Gumby is on the long and painful road to recovery.

Prayers needed for a friend who was recently diagnosed with malignant tumors in both lungs. Coming on the heels of Dana Reeves' death, this is a very scary thing. The biopsy was done on Wednesday and last I heard on Thursday, my friend was still in ICU but would probably be moved to a room.

Y'all take care. Back to the hospital (after I jump in the shower).

scarce

Because Gumby will be in the hospital starting Wednesday and may be there for a little over a week, and because I am the caretaker, I will be scarce. If the job does come through, I will do my best to post an announcement. Else, there will most likely be radio silence.

Peace to all.

bottoms up

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!

Since Lisa inquired...

I went with the yellow shirt. The suit was very comfortable. Went with my patent black shoes (ugh) because I didn't really have any other that would work. My other black shoes are pretty beat. Except for the shoes, I was sufficiently spiffy walking out the door.

When I got my last job, the guys interviewing me were nice and relaxed and they spent much time telling me about the job--I hardly had to say anything. The situation was similar this morning, however the guys were not as relaxed. They spent much time emphasizing how stressful the job can be and made it clear that energy, drive and determination are absolutely essential to this job. I got the message that they were reasonably concerned that folks would come in, only to find that they can't handle the stress, and drop out. To me, it's a positive sign when the interviewer spends such time telling me about the job. I interpret it to mean "We're okay with you. We want you to be okay with the job." They mentioned that it would be at least a week to do whatever it is they have to do, and that I'd start no sooner than the last week of March IF I were offered the job. So I think it was a good interview. But I'll not count my chickens yet.

I hope I'll get hired. Nobody likes a job interview; I'd like for this to be the only one I needed. One good thing: their employees dress very casually. This means that I need not spend money on a new wardrobe. My clothes are showing wear and a little tear; they would just blend right in.

Kinda whipped. Been running errands. Still gotta write the follow-up letter.

1st interview!

10:00 a.m. job interview tomorrow (Wednesday). Well that forced me to go get a shirt for the skirt/jacket suit I got back in January. Preferred is a plain solid cream shell, but none to be found. In desperation I grabbed a white 3/4 sleeve button shirt from Target and then a butter-yellow plain oxford from Walmart. I tried on several solid color T-shirts and a polo, but oddly enough, they didn't look right ... collar opening too big, or the slope from the neck to the arm was too steep; or in the case of the polo, the collar was too high.

I did buy a very thin stretch-T meant for layering, which is great because that's what I'll use it for. If I wore a camisole, then you'd end up seeing several straps on my shoulders (seems like all shirts are see-through these days). So I prefer something like a solid tee with low neck in the front under my shirt; then you won't see it or the bra and gives a smoother look.
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All day at the hospital today for Tonto's pre-operation rigamarole. Surgery on the 22nd. Folks were sympathetic that I was answering "job interview" phone calls. Fortunately there was just two. It wasn't the most convenient of situations for answering these calls.

Hope the job pans out. It doesn't pay much and for the first 90 days there will be no benefits. The first phone conversation was to inform me of that. The second phone conversation scheduled the interview. But I like the company and I think it's promising. Hope they don't need me to start until April, when Tonto will be out of the hospital. Anyhow, gotta go jump in the shower, prepare the clothes, prepare the resume and reference sheets, and study up on interviewing.

hooray!

Just a nibble, but it's a start...

This afternoon, I got an e-mail from a good company requesting my daytime phone number because they want to talk to me. It's an entry-level job that I applied for, but if they allow me this foot in the door, that's all I'm asking for. It's a global company that believes in developing its people -- imagine that!

So I have to get my stuff together tonight in case they call me tomorrow.

Pray that I don't bungle this opportunity, may Jesus grease the skids for me. But if it's not His will, then absolutely may I not tread too far down that path.

I am dust

Late Friday afternoon I flew into a rage and threw a temper tantrum and pretty much exhausted myself. No, it didn't feel good, but I was raging. Having resolved to go to Stations of the Cross that evening, I did so. I was still upset getting there. In fact I was still a little upset and fatigued Saturday. Anyhow, at Stations, I realized that I have no reason to complain. What makes me think I'm so important that I can't be insulted? What makes me think my cross is so unbearable? I made my apologies later that night and resolved once again to try to turn over a new leaf.

It turns out that my "deep hurt" happens to be others' disappointment in me. Even worse when I think their reason for the disappointment is unreasonable. In reality, their disappointment is their friggin' problem and I needn't make it mine. My responsibility stops at doing what's right the best I can. Gratitude is icing on the cake. Credit is icing on the cake. May I hope only in my Heavenly Father, and may I seek only to do what is right in His eyes. May I not forget that what I truly deserve is hell. (Of course, I still have the responsibility to uphold the dignity of my humanity.)

Saturday I went to a Dominican Lenten Day of Prayer, though I didn't stay the entire program (there is so much to do at home). I saw one of my favorite Dominicans and she was gracious to me, always moving towards me when I waved either "hello" or "good-bye," sat at the same table at lunch, and made every effort to introduce me to folks. The topic was cosmology as it relates to baptism. Having a science degree in my background, I failed to perceive the world in the touchy-feely sense of cosmology, and I don't think I quite made the connection between it and baptism. I'm not ready to go have a conversation with the flowers, and surely not ready to ask permission to speak to them. I kinda take seriously the fact that God gave man dominion over creation. But hey, it was wonderful visiting with the Dominicans and I certainly enjoyed the quiet time and food, and it's a different perspective on dust. It turns out that dust is made up of just about everything in existence: you, me, asteroids, volcanoes, butterfly wings, Japan ... you name it. I was still a little drained from my tantrum on Friday, so I wasn't able to give the Dominicans as much energy as I normally would. Perhaps next time.

room overhaul

"it is better to need little than to have much" --from the rule of St. Augustine

Work is in progress in Tonto's room. I have moved two major pieces of furniture. And since Tonto is here working on it, Tonto can toss out. So far two boxes of old magazines have been tossed (for recycling) and one garbage bag full of stuff. Yesterday three pieces of furniture was given away to a relative who then hauled them away. Three minor pieces of furniture is being removed from Tonto's room, and one *small* desk will be moved in. Else it's impossible to make a room look better when there is way too much stuff in it.
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Yesterday's volunteering was uneventful: diced up some cheese. That probably took 20 minutes of the two hours I was there. Sister was feeling talkative and talked to me about some personal stuff, like her annual vow is coming up, how she has doubts about taking the leap for life just yet, and her hopes for a 30-day retreat prior to making the vows, some difficulties in the convent, some hope with the new leadership, and that one of the postulants had left to take care of a relative.

I stuck around to eat because they insisted and because it was such good food. I then went to spiritual direction. Somehow I'm always surprised that I don't get knocked around during spiritual direction, like really get admonished. Instead I get some pointers like pray for this, and look/listen for that. I have no idea what a good spiritual direction session looks like so I've nothing to guage how things are going. I've not (yet?) gone psycho or have any crises and these are kinda like "catching up with each other" sessions, though my director is very careful to not talk about herself, choosing instead to try to keep the focus on me.

Ps 8:5

What is man that thou art mindful of him? (Douay-Rheims)

For King James version, it'd be Ps 8:4

The NAB butchers it a bit by using gender-neutral language and hence is not my chosen version for this lovely sentiment.

high school meme

seen at LAMLand

1. Who was your best friend(s)? Didn't have one, really ... hung with my brother's friends.
2. What sports did you play? none
3. What kind of car did you drive? Didn't drive then.
4. It’s Friday night, where are you at? Home, of course, per the parental units.
5. Were you a party animal? May have been an animal, but "party" would not be the descriptor.
6. Were you in the “In Crowd”? Wasn't in any crowd.
7. Ever skip school? Only if my brother's friends did (one of them had a car).
8. Ever smoke a cigarette? No.
9. Were you a nerd? I don't think so, but others' opinions would probably be more accurate.
10. Did you ever get suspended/expelled? No.
11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? Not aware that we had one.
12. Who was your favorite teacher? My French/English teacher. Several of the kids (usually boys) would be hostile to him because they sense that he is gay. Well, it turns out that they're right. I still call him sometimes. He's been on my mind but I haven't called him in a while. He's been very sick over the recent years ... diabetes.
13. Favorite class? Art maybe, because we basically goof off in there.
14. What was your school’s name? sorry, not telling; suffice it to say that it was an alternative school
15. School mascot? I don't think we had one.
16. Did you go to Prom? No.
17. Would you go back again and do it over? bleep NO.
18. What do you remember most about graduation? uh, that high school was over?
19. Favorite memory of senior year? no memories at all ... the years just run together
20. Were you ever posted on the senior wall? the what? never been posted anywhere, thank goodness
21. Did you have a job your senior year? No. The parental units don't believe in menial work.
22. Who did you date? Nobody. Even in high school I believed that dating is for finding a spouse and I had no intentions of getting married in high school. Besides, no way in hell was I going to get that past the parents.
23. Have you gained weight since then? No. I was chunky then, but not now. I still have fat calves though.
24. What did you do after graduation? Went to college.

It was a poor school. Most of the students were poor. For sure the teachers were poor. They still had a prom and graduation ceremonies and a big pic-nic type event. There were no team sports and barely had a music department.

God is good

Wonderful weekend. Not a discernment weekend, but the Sisters generously housed and fed us. I got a chance to run around the convent some, shared several meals, did a little office work with them, and "fixed" a TV remote control for them. They were extremely accomodating and helped us "above and beyond" in so many ways. Always a joy to be around these Sisters.

We were totally exhausted when we got back after 10 last night. Even today, we were practically sleep walking. I had to take a nap in the late afternoon.

The question for me: What is my spirituality? How do I experience God?

At the time, I didn't have a clue. But as I think about it, a few ideas are bubbling. From the start (that is, even while I was in RCIA), I'd always view that everything good comes from God. I see something good, I thank God. It made perfect sense to me that when Peter and John healed the beggar at "the Beautiful Gate," the beggar then praised God (Acts 3) and not Peter and John. I'd been enthralled that God is "rich in kindness and slow to anger." I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God; even when things look bleak, I know that God's goodness will overcome. When I don't feel so great about my day, I try to take notice of all the "good" that I've received during my day. So my spirituality is that God is GOOD, ALL GOOD. It's not a spirituality of the eucharist or of penance or of prayer or such. Not that those things are missing, but that they're not in my awareness as much.

week so far

Wishing everyone a prayerful and penitent Lenten Season!
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Monday I spent the whole day and over $600 on new brake pads and rear brake cylinders. (So, the brake warning light that's been on and off for about a month was legit.) They also pointed out that I need about another $1K worth of work on the car. Yeah, okay, when I win the lottery maybe.
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Tuesday volunteering was in the kitchen. I made Spanish rice and squash casserole. Actually, Sister basically had me watch the rice, she was the one that dumped the ingredients in. Then she handed me a book of recipes, picked out a simple squash casserole, handed me cooked squash, and then left me with the task as if I knew how to cook. I hope it turned out OK. As usual, I didn't stick around to eat.
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Heading out of town tomorrow. Will return Sunday.

blog blurps

product endorsements
I just tried Vitamin Water by Glaceau and liked it just fine. I also tried Fresca sparkling citrus soda, peach flavor and liked it okay too. However, I usually avoid carbonated drinks.

On the pet front,
my cats like the simple and colorful plastic rings, usually sold in a blister pack of four. I wish I have a picture to post, but I do not. My cats have a set of curls, and set of wavy rings, and a set that's tube-like. They chase those things all over the house and get them lost under stuff.

Also, I heartily endorse the Clevercat kitty litter box. It's basically a deep rectangular bucket with a lid; the lid has a cat-sized hole. The cat enters the bucket from the top. Because It's basically a bucket, there are no holes and seams to leak liquids. You'll need a compact scooper to work inside the bucket, though. Also, most owners don't like to see inside the box so the hole on top can be unappealing. As for me, I love not having to clean kitty piddle from between top and bottom kitty box halves and from the kitty box mat.

For a simple cat bed, we got a seat cushion on sale at Wal-mart (less than $10 for sure).

variations on a theme
I'd like to see someone publish a coffee-table book of photos of fire hydrants. They're painted differently in different neighborhoods. If not a book, then maybe a website that collects these photos. Everybody take a picture of fire hydrants in their environment then submit the pictures to the website, which then catalogs and displays them. It might exist already, I don't know.

Similarly, I'd like somebody to publish a photo book of pets. Everybody send their pet pictures to the publisher, who then sorts and selects for publication. Real live pets, people, and places in ordinary everyday lives.

Phaidon Press usually has books like those. I think they have one of crucifixes; crucifixes were actually one in a set of three such themed books. I wonder whether they have one of American Cathedrals.
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Actually, I forgot what it was that I meant to post. Oh well.

Planning to be out of town Thursday through Sunday. Will be missing the Rite of Sending and possibly the Rite of Election (of course, it's not me that's being sent and elected).

Gotta figure out what it is I'm giving up/committing to for lent. I'll probably give up all sweets except juices as usual. Hmm...what shall I commit to?

torn and confused

I vacillate on the issue of whether I should join the Dominicans. There are days when I would probably have grovelled at their feet, begging that I be given the grace of being considered for entrance. It is very impressive that they have a huge heritage of Saints, including St. Dominic, St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Catherine of Sienna. St. Augustine is a favorite Saint of mine, so I was delighted to find that the Dominicans follow the Rule of St. Augustine. Also, the Dominicans are a studious bunch and they have a solid program of study (after all, you gotta know what you're preaching and teaching). This is not to say that other orders don't have a solid program of study; I really can't imagine an order that doesn't.

Then there are days where fear strikes my heart: What if they're not Catholic enough? (I know, that sounds really absurd.) What if they teach me more "new age" or "earth worship" or something "touchy-feely" than true faith? What if they're soft on morality?

I feel like Saul, zealously guarding what I believe to be true faith. Then if I do join the Dominicans, no logic can explain it. Not that I feel like I owe anybody any explanations. It's just that we act on emotions then justify our actions with logic. If I can't explain it to myself, then it's just crazy. My only reason would be that they've captured heart. It's been said, "Don't marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without." So it's more like that.

I've tried to shut up about it. And yet here I am talking to you guys because it's exploding my head. I'll just keep trying anyways. In fact, I might try to not even think about them. I'll talk about it only if someone else brings it up. Yeah, I think I'll attempt a fast from "Dominicans." Maybe the feelings will go away and then I can actually think.

ouch

I had a face plant this morning. Coming from mass, I was riding my bike too fast when I turned off of the church's parking lot. Fortunately, I had my helmet on (as all good cyclists are supposed to do). Next thing I knew, I was on the concrete pavement. First thing you want to do after a fall is to get up and get off the street. But my head wasn't right so I sat there for a while. I managed to upright my bike (so that it'll be out of the street) and sat there holding it up.

You'd think I know better since I've had similar incidents off of "driveways." That transition from slope to level ground just isn't a good place to lean sideways on the bike.

I have big scrapes on my right cheek and chin, my forearm by the elbow, and just a little scrape on my right knee. So I'm walking around with band-aids on my face. My lower lip is a little swollen from being banged against my teeth. I've not yet inspected the bike. And I still need to go wash the blood off of my gloves. What is most painful is that I scratched and bent my "ridiculously expensive" glasses, which are not even 2 yrs old yet. However, the glasses are still usable; I bent the glasses back and the scratches are in the corner. Except for the glasses, I find it all quite amusing.

Also, I got my hair cut alright. Man, is it ever cut. I don't think I'll be needing another one for two months. heh heh, I'm a sight to see.

address

I happened to be out and about this afternoon, so I swung by Walgreen's to pick up a thank-you card for sending to the Dominicans. However, I had forgotten to take the address with me. After failing to locate a business pages directory at Walgreen's, Office Depot, and the post office, I finally called the Dominicans. A Sister answered and after I repeated my name a second time, she said, "Oh, yes, I sat at your table yesterday." hmm ..."my" table ... how kind. Unfortunately, I have no idea which Sister I'm talking to over the phone. She was very nice and inviting and when I told her that I was trying to mail something to Sr. x (since she is my Dominican contact), she offered to give me the residence address. Well, where Sr. x works and where she lives is basically the same "place." So when she gave me the address, I just thought that she gave me the "Dominican Sisters" address since there were no unit number, or apartment number or such.

Well, just now, I'm sitting here looking up Dominican Saints and one of the pages happens to be for this particular community. I saw the address and something triggered that it wasn't the address that I was given this afternoon. Sure enough, the address I took down this afternoon is not the published Dominican address. I now have Sr. x's home address! I'm just as surprised as Sr. x when she gets my card!
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On another matter, I did rearrange Dumbo's room. Dumbo was gone for a little over 3 hours. Dumbo is not pleased. We did talk about it prior to my actually carrying it out, but the results suck. My back is not pleased either, and I'm sure it will complain bitterly come morning. Anyhow, so there will be more moving stuff around in the coming weeks. Getting my hair cut in the morning. Very much looking forward to that.

surprise

fastest easy Websudoku time: 4 min 9 sec (must have been real easy)

Dumbo is out of the house for the moment. I'm supposed to be taking my shower, but Dumbo's room needs rearranging. I will try to surprise Dumbo and have it rearraged. This is a MAJOR undertaking becuase there is lots of clutter in that room. It shall just be little 'ol me moving stuff around. I better get going.

homework

priest: Instead of grocery shopping, I'd suggest you pray and see what God wants you to do.
me: I have, but I guess I'm not very good at listening.
priest: God also speaks to you through your gifts. See what it is that you're most passionate about. Then see what order will best allow you to do that which you are most passionate about doing.

Um, that's the same advice Susan Rose gave me from the start.

That means I need to go back to the drawing board and get some homework done, because I don't know what it is that I'm good at or passionate about. I'm pretty laid back so most of the time, everything is ho-hum.

I guess fundamentally, I want everybody to know that they each matter, regardless of their shortcomings. On the flip side, I want everybody to know that everybody else matters. I believe it is love that transforms and it is grace that saves. May whatever I do be for the glory of God and may I be a channel for Jesus' love. That is, may people not see me, but see instead the love of Jesus. Then may the love of God be enkindled in them, and move them to do what God intends.

yak yak

The dialogue with the Dominicans continues. Thanks be to God that the Dominicans who dialogued with me today are my two favorites. There are many things about the Dominicans that strike my fancy ... so much so that I cannot at this time look at another congregation. You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped. (Jer 20, 7) Likewise, they seem to have captured me and I let myself be captured (though not entirely).

discernment weekend

The Sisters of Divine Providence (CDP's) in San Antonio, Texas are having a discernment weekend March 24 - 26, 2006. Uh, no, they don't wear the habit. They are very cool, very fun, very diverse. I had a most wonderful time in their company and hospitality last year. If you have any interest, please do not hesitate to contact them.

yester eve

Wonderful time with the Dominicans yesterday evening. I didn't say much. And in fact, perhaps 4 or 5 of the Sisters didn't say much either. The major talkers did the talking. I enjoyed their company food, and environment. I think I suffer from withdrawal symptoms the day after, definitely unexpected and beyond my control.

I'm supposed to see them again this coming Tuesday. It should just be me and them, then I can discuss my concerns.

Bambi's doc visit was good. Elective procedure scheduled roughly a month from now. We'll need to do some prep work before then.

'mornin

Slept late. Revamped resume to reflect new career direction. Posted new resume on three big job boards.

Bambi's new specialist doc wants to see Bambi pronto: 1pm TODAY.

Tuesday's doc visit resulted in modified diet: don't eat unless it's lean meat, vegetables, or fresh fruit; drink only water or sugarless drinks. Yum yum, I get to eat up all the good stuff that we have that Bambi can't eat. Meals are going to be tricky, though.

Gotta run.

just rambling

hmm...got a call today about a 6-month contract job in Grand Rapids, MI; same field and industry I was working. Imagine that. I had never heard of Grand Rapids until I met Natty through her blog. And now the only job call I have is for work there.

Got obligations here. Kinda far from home there (what? I'd have to pay both the mortgage here and the housing rental there?). And I'm trying to change careers. Leaning towards a no response to that call.

Doc visit yesterday so went volunteering today instead of yesterday. More folding paper flowers (I think this is the last of it). The Sisters talked to me some more about vocations. Hey, I'm all for it, I wanna get into it, but I can't.

Dinner with the Dominicans tomorrow. Gumby is invited too. Now that's rare. I'm getting the idea that the Dominicans are a pretty open bunch.

cute mnemonic

One of the topics covered for the A+ certification, which I am now pursuing, is the laser printer process: Clean, Charge, Write, Develop, Transfer, Fuse. A cute mnemonic for it is "Care & Compassion Will Develop True Friendship." Awwwww. (Another option is "California Cows Won't Dance the Fandango" as well as some rather crude ones.)

Kinda embarassing that I have to study for this most basic of certifications. Kinda painful that I'm doing on-line studying with dial-up. Back to the grindstone.

v-day

Oh, yeah ... Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

The following was seen at Flavor of the Month.

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Yup. That's my mood right about now.

jus'stuff

Friday it was ... Smurf: "Why didn't you wake me up?" me: "I thought you changed your mind about going." See, I know it's hard for you to sleep, so I let you sleep when you can.

Saturday morn we went to a Baptist thingamajig in support of Smurf's relative. They had four preachers, one topic each. One word to these Baptist preachers: "commitment." Please keep to your time commitment. Considering that I hadn't had breakfast and that I'm not that interested, I wasn't happy that by noon there are still two more talks to go before you feed us. Even more unhappy when the third preacher decides to take a whole hour, wanders all over the place, throws in scripture here and there and a few big words and still claims to be on topic by returning to it every now and then. Hey preacher, don't strain too hard ... go to the Catholic Catechism and they'll have the scriptures cross-referenced already for you. We left a few minutes into the last preacher's sermon, got our food (kudos to them for having them in to-go boxes already) and left some time after 2pm, ravenously starving.

Sat eve I woke Smurf up too late for Smurf to get ready and go to mass. I thought it was enough time. My fault, really, as I had forgotten what time Smurf had requested to be awaken. After mass is a party for the associate pastor. "Do you still want to go to the party? When do you want me to wake you up?" I get a glare and then "I want you to leave me alone and I go back to sleep." I say "So you don't want me to wake you up? I won't wake you then, okay?"

I decided to go to the party. Then when I left the party I called Smurf. I hear the anger. I get home and eventually it's the "I asked you if you were going to the party, why didn't you wake me up" issue. Folks, I have an extremely simple mind. If you don't say what you mean and if you don't mean what you say, then I am absolutely clueless as to what you intend.

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stewing

beef, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes stewing in the slow cooker ... yes, I forgot the celery, but I ain't going back out to get it ... I shall not mention it and see if Smurf even notices its absence

out

Just ... out of it.

Yup, my head is immersed in I-know-not-what. I just know that I seem to have extracted myself from life itself. Not really watching the Olympics opening. Haven't watched the news since who-knows-when.

Alot of stuff swimming around in my head. Jobs. Companies. Pay. Little pay. Stuff I need to learn. Stuff I need to do. Need to liquidate one of the 401K's. Need groceries. Oh, yeah, need to locate a ride home from church on Sunday. Let me go fire off that e-mail now.

out n about

Gumby had a meeting this morn. Then we had lunch. Then we both went to the open-your-own-business meeting. Then I met about tech training. Then rush hour traffic. Got back in our hood then we had a flat. Fortunately Gumby was driving and took us safely off the highway onto a parking lot. I changed out the tire. We just bought that tire back when I had the wheel lock problems. I can see nothing wrong with the tire (aside from it being flat). Will get back to the tire place soon. Late home for the Grammys by a few minutes.

Hopefully I'll meet with the unemployment agency tomorrow about financial assistance for tech training. I hope they'll have info as which is the best place as well, since I've only met with one. The presentation this training place gave me still leaves me fuddled. Wow it sure costs MUCH moolah and much time.

As far as the business, it is certainly doable. I'd need at least $30-$40K to put in and the remaining will be a business loan. That's a pretty reasonable seed amount. Not saying that I have it, however.

I'm pretty excited about the sys admin stuff though. There is earning potential plus the potential to work in organizations alongside the religious. I can't do both; leaning towards sys admin. Gonna be a steep climb.

hope!

Tomorrow I go meet about the possibility of opening a business. Then I will leave from there and go to a tech school to see what they can do for me. They had recruiters contacting them for their students' resumes today. The lady said I might get help from the unemployment agency too to take the classes I need. Woo hoo!

I want to move into Systems Administration. Every business and organization has a computer system/network that needs to be administered. It would give me great flexibility as to which industry I can be a part of ... including healthcare systems, but most of all, including convents!!!

My dear Lord Jesus, make me useful to you!

whipped

Stepping up the job search (less blogging, see?). Trying to figure out what to do for money until the big job comes (so looking at big jobs and small jobs). Trying to figure out what education I'd need to make a career change, and where I'd get that education and how the heck I'd expect that to happen. Set up a meeting on Wednesday with a company that helps people start a business. I think I'd still like to open a business but sometimes I'm scared to death at the mere thought of it. More pressure than support under this roof. On the other hand, the Sisters are supportive and my family folks are trying to help. However, when it comes to finding a job, there's not a whole lot other folks can do.

I can't even get at my $ in the 401K -- not without heavy penalties. I suppose I'll take those penalties if I have to in order to keep the house. Will cross that bridge when I get there.

Man, I am tired.

cool off

Okay, I've cooled off now. I've talked to some folks I respect. I think I am starting to understand. My apologies to the Dominicans, though I doubt that there are any Dominicans reading this blog. I still need that one-on-one meeting with them, however.

Given a choice between "conservative" or "progressive," one person voiced the opinion that "progressive" is a better approximation of reality. Conservatives are more likely to see things as black and white, and life is not like that. He also said that it's unlikely that I'll find a community in the middle. He explained to me how the religious have studied so much and know so much more than the average pew warmer, and thus the religious are more likely to study stuff that blows my mind. So okay, I'm easing off a little.

Thanks also to Natty, who helped me vent and then work through this stuff.

blabbering

I don't usually cook. But last night I did pork chops (broiled), white rice, veggies from frozen bag, and dinner rolls from frozen stuff. I also baked a cornbread for the following day. The kitchen was a disaster. So after cooking and eating, I also got to do quite a bit of cleaning. Then I ironed 5 shirts before calling it quits, exhausted.

Just about all of today was spent at the Grandmother's. Got home in the evening. Had dinner. Not doing cleaning tonight. Then replaced the inner tube on my bike. My bike has had a flat rear tire for about a month now. The task wasn't as horrible as I had remembered. We were supposed to do 1st Friday adoration tonite 1-2am. I bet it won't happen because Jetson's health won't allow it and because there has already been much complaint and anxiety over the shortage of $. I feel pretty darn cheap/stupid to let the cost of gas keep me from visiting my Lord, but it's for keeping peace under this roof. Now that I've fixed my flat, I can still bike to mass at the nearby parish for the 3 mornings out of the week. Let's see if I'll run into world war over my driving to spiritual direction and volunteering.

Duh, Jetson, what the bleep did you think would happen when I'm unemployed and the unemployment benefits are less than half of what I was bringing home? Did you really think that I would find a job in a month or two? How many times have I asked you to not rely so heavily on my income? And because you so love control, you are now freaking out because you have no control over this. I hope it motivates you to take charge of your own welfare, because I don't intend to be your crutch forever. I'm glad that you recognize that you stand to lose more than I do, you who have amassed much material things. How ironic that it was my income, but your stuff...yours because I have no interest in owning things. May you find your anchor in God.

joy!

It so happens that I was in the neighborhood of my home parish today, because we get prescription medication from a store in that area. So I made it a point to go to St. xx. Ahhhh. Home. I visited with Jesus in the tabernacle for a few minutes; picked up a bulletin on the way out.

Then I went to the office in search of my pastor, hoping to interrupt his day and give him a hug. The receptionist tells me she has no priests today. So I left. As I started towards my car, I thought I heard a door close at the rectory across the way. A little while later a car pulls out of the rectory garage. I'm still walking. I waved to the car, not knowing who was in it. As I jumped into my car and started the engine, the other one pulls up beside me. Out pops my pastor, as sprightly as any 20-yr old! We hugged.

We had a big function at our parish this past Sunday, and I was quite certain that he'd notice I wasn't there. He inquired as to where I had been. We stood there in the late afternoon sun and talked briefly about my Dominican experience. He gave me some encouragement, "Where there is a need, God will fill it. Keep searching." He told me he is all in favor of women priests, and encouraged me to voice my concerns with the Dominican prioress. Then we parted.

My pastor is such a joy and comfort to me. My lord Jesus sure knows how to refresh me. Thank you, Jesus!

not today

Made it to mass this morn. Afterwards I ran into Sr. M of the MSC's. She invited me to ministry. I declined, but left the door open and thanked her for the invite. I am in pain at the moment and don't feel like ministering, however small. I did go do my volunteering thing yesterday (instead of Tuesday), resuming the folding of origami flowers. But I am not ready to do stuff that requires "me." It's not easy for me to say "no" to the Dominicans, and I am still wrestling with it. I was torn as well when I said "no" to the CDP's, but this one seems more painful. Perhaps it's only because it's a fresh wound.

I'll see my spiritual director next Tuesday, though I probably need to talk to somebody NOW. But then, there's a good chance that all this will go away over the weekend. Then ironically, I'd sit there and when she says, "So, what's been going on?" I'd reply, "Nothing much." Not trying to be evasive, it's just that sometimes I'm closed off even to myself. But we'll see. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

daily schedule

a great post on a daily schedule for a Christ-centered day

I never know when I'll be in bed, but I suppose I can force myself out of bed at 6 a.m. daily. Actually, I've been trying without much success. Oddly enough, when I was on the Dominican discernment weekend, I woke up at 6 a.m. each day without an alarm. But since I didn't want to disturb my roomie, I stayed in bed until 7. It might have been that the adjoining room had an alarm that goes off at that time and somewhere in my consciousness my brain heard it; but I don't know. Now with a plan of attack on hand, I might have more success at home.

a dream

Because my affections are so fickle, I have a low-grade anxiety about one day waking up to find that I no longer love my pastor.

This morning, as I sat on the throne in my grogginess, I faintly remembered a dream from the night--I, who rarely ever remembers any dreams. In my dream, my pastor was in a meeting, people around a table and he is dozing in his seat (he is rather senior). When he did wake up, he gave directions and I guess the meeting was over. I approached him and people made way for me. I gave him a big hug and he was happy.

Well, that's good enough a sign for me that I still love him. I haven't seen him in about a month due to him or I being out of town or I was visiting other parishes. I'm looking forward to seeing him again this Sunday; the parish volunteer gigs will be back "on."