settling in

OK, I think the adrenaline has worn off. For much of this week, I was unusually peppy at waking up in the morning (despite my irritated stomach making me get up at 5 or 5:30). But this morning I was back to being sluggish. I still got to work by 7:30 as usual, though ... thank goodness.

Daily noon mass has been a compromise. I'll attend but not take communion. I'll sit at my desk and nibble on some junk from the vending machine between 11 and noon. Then at noon I make a dash for the 12:15 mass (I've been a little late getting there each time). Mass is over around 12:45 and I make a dash back to be in the office at 1:00. I may play around with that arrangement. Maybe I can get the vending machine junk and leave it in the car, then nibble on it after mass on the drive back, therefore I'd be able to receive communion.

I wonder how much longer I'd be allowed to walk around with this "lost" look. My co-workers are probably expecting it to wear off. Little do they know that it is practically a permanent "feature" of mine. Anyhow, there is so much that I need to learn for this job! Did I already say it's a complex task? (God help me!)

day two

Not to worry, I won't continue counting out my work days.

Today I finished all the corporate compliance training modules (there were 7 or 8 of them). I'm sure there is more to come down the line somewhere. I also now have some six or so documents to read or at least peruse. Hey, I'm a returning employee, I should be able to hit the ground running. This thing that we're working on is quite complex. And we're in the early stages. Kinda scary since we're setting the stage and I have a part in it; what we put on paper now is going to have long term ramifications. I'm trying to get an understanding of this stuff. I should remind myself to pray more often.

I ran into some more familiar faces today. Pleasant surprises.

Gumby and I did early voting last week.

I don't know if my physical problems are from the flu shot received on Sunday, or from the food I ate, or some combination of both. Sunday night I was very fatigued and went to bed at 9 with no dinner, and got up at 6 with no appetite for breakfast. Else I seemed okay Monday; I ate lunch and dinner. I woke up early Tuesday morning with an irritated stomach, feeling bloated with gas that doesn't go anywhere. So my second day at work I've got this uneasy stomach all day, and some diarrhea to go with it. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

first day

It was a good first day. They had a cubicle with telephone and computer for me. Not only that, I was able to logon to the company network. Hey, that's awesome. I don't have access to everything yet, but that is to be expected. An old friend stopped by. Wow, I didn't even know this friend was there! "I thought you wanted out of this business," says my friend. "Yes, but this is xxx." I replied, "Who wouldn't want to work on xxx?"

Morning was orientation. Got a big fancy binder of documents, a pen, notepad, a company freebie item, employee badge and access card. After lunch I was shown to my desk and left to set up my computer stuff. After a while I went looking for the ladies room and had to ask for directions. Later on I went back to another area to meet a colleague, who then proceeded to e-mail me some 4 documents related to the work, and a reference document to assist in learning the lingo. Looks like I won't be bored. I'll also have a handful of corporate compliance training "courses" to complete at my computer over the next few weeks.

Oy, it was comfortable. Everyone was welcoming and pleasant. I can certainly work with these folks.

random

I think it does a man's heart much good for him to lay eyes on a beautiful woman. So ladies, you can do a ministry of "beauty," but do keep it pure.
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I think one of the joys of being single is that you don't have some one in your ear telling you that you've made a mistake when you make a mistake.
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I am in need of new clothes, but I do so dislike shopping. Shopping for clothes is particulary bothersome becuase I have to try them on and I have to figure out if they even look good and I have to figure out what shoes can be worn with them. Unfortunately, sneakers don't go with everything. I'm tired of T-shirts; I've a gazillion of them, none of which were purchased. They all came from various charity events or company celebrations. I think I'm ready for solid tees, at least they look a little more polished than the billboard t-shirts overwhelming my closet. My jeans are all worn. I really can't remember how long ago I purchased these clothes I've been wearing. As for my casual dress shoes (only two) ... I think they're from my college days.
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First day of work tomorrow. I hope to get my life back into some sort of schedule. With any luck, I'll be able to attend daily noon mass again. I might have to go without eating lunch (trade mass for lunch). But I suspect that in the beginning, I'd need to do social lunches.

not fair (of course)

I just watched a TV show that revealed that entrance to some of America's elite universities can be bought. That is, if you have the dollars, you too can be an ivy-league student. What's more, you can edge out an academically superior student for the spot. C'mon folks, please tell me that no one is surprised by that. Fairness and equality is a myth. Is that not one of the first lessons you learned: life is not fair.

No two persons are the same, hence it wouldn't make sense to treat everyone the same. So okay, supposing that two persons are equal, hence they should receive equal treatment. Then I ask you, are two persons ever equal?

The relevant question, I suppose, would be "Is this justice/injustice?" Is it injustice that an academically superior student is edged out by a relatively academically inferior but financially superior student? That sort of rejection is pretty much the same as saying "We don't want your business." That's like showing up at a posh hotel only to have them say, "We have no rooms available" then watch as the next person gets checked in. Personally, if I were qualifiable for an ivy league university but they turned me down, I'd say "your loss" and seek a more mutually beneficial relationship with another reputable university. For others, it's the principle of the matter.

verdict is in

Yay! I received word late this afternoon that I have passed the pre-employment screening. I'm set to report for work on Monday. Tomorrow I should receive details on when and where to show up and what to bring. This is comforting to know, since I'm already spending major $ this week.

My trusty steed has over 82K miles. It has been in the shop the past few days for significant maintenance work including new timing belt and drive belt, new PCV valve, new spark plugs, transmission system flush, brake system flush, power steering fluid flush, rear brake adjust and clean, and of course an oil change with new air filter. Since this is some major $, Smurf got them to throw in a complimentary car wash as well. Fortunately, these are not "major repairs" -- work that would require tearing apart the car.

I think it needs new shocks as well, but I'd rather a tire shop take care of the suspension system. I do look forward to getting my steed back tomorrow.

Other major work that we need done include repairs on Smurf's car and dental work for Smurf. We have no dental insurance, and what dental insurance exists in this state all suck anyways. We'll figure this out in the near future.

go there

It's worth a stop by Sr. Mary Martha's blog for a look at all souls day.

whizz

Whizz test today. Took my lab papers to the lab. Sign in. Wait in a separate waiting area. 15 minutes. 30 minutes. I'm worried. I have a seafood and crab sanwich in the car, which is parked in the sun as there is no shaded parking space. I then ask Jesus to preserve the sanwich for me, as I don't want to waste food. 45 minutes. 50 minutes. Then it's my turn.

Show picture ID. Oh, wait, it's in the car (I hope). Come back, but the door to the lab area is locked. Everybody in the crowded waiting room watching me trying to get back in. Got back in. They open a cabinet. "Get any one of the kits." "Open it and take all the contents out." "Wash your hands at the sink, water only no soap." Take three steps and there you are in the restroom. "Empty your pockets into the lock box." House keys, car keys, cell phone, pocket prayer book, two dimes, and the little wallet I'd been carrying. "Lock it then put the key here [on the counter]." Holding up collection cup: "Fill it to just above the temperature strip. Don't flush toilet." I entered the restroom, closing and locking the door behind me, emerging shortly with the sample. They checked the temperature strip reading, poured it into a sample vial, sealed the vial with the seal that came with the paperwork, I initial the seal and signed the authenticity of the deal. Got my stuff back in my pockets and was out the door. I suppose it's not as bad as what guys go through to donate sperm.

Yes, I washed my hands before eating my sanwich. ;) It's standard procedure to wash hands with soap and water upon returning home before handling anything: refrigerator handle, cabinet doors, chairs -- nothing if at all possible. Sandwich was no longer cold and was a bit soggy in one spot, but was wholly edible. Thank you, Jesus!

restless / gripe

Lately I am unexplicably restless. I find no satisfaction in anything. I haven't much of an appetite, and cannot be satisfied with food. I'm tired yet sleeping does not refresh me. I'm not motivated to do anything. I seem unable to concentrate. I'm listless, lethargic. The weather is absolutely gorgeous the past few days, so it's not the weather. I'm just ... ugh.
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On another note, I had applied for unemployment benefits and this week the verdict came in: no go. I knew it was a long shot. This is how USA can get away with slavery. They interview you, say they need dedicated professionals who will follow through, who will put in the overtime necessary to accomplish the job. This is the nature of a salaried job. Then once you're in, they load you with work that requires 12-16 hours daily to accomplish. So if you do your job right, you have no time or energy left to look for another job. If you just do your 8 hours daily, then look, you're not doing your job. So you cut corners, try to do just enough to get by. But even with cutting corners, you are still working 12 hours daily. But it pisses me off that I am forced to "do enough to get by." If you take pride in your work, this sort of mentality is pure poison. If you work your employees to the limit, where is there room for creativity? What you have then are robots, stuck to a set and well-practiced routine -- because that's the fastest way to do anything; because it requires no time to stop and think.

If you don't quit, the other way out of a job is to get fired. It is never my goal to get fired for not doing my job. I will keep my end of the promise. And by the way, when I took the job, it was a contract for a set duration. The date came and went and yet the company did not let me go (heck, who would want to let go of a good slave?). No formal renewal contract was ever agreed upon. Yet this is not sufficient to qualify me for unemployment benefits. So the workforce commission looks at it and say, "Well, you knew the workload when you signed the contract. Also, clearly you have quit." Whatever, man. The contract also said my employment would end at a certain date and that renewals would be in writing. They were smart enough to NOT state on the contract how many hours I'd be working. I'll crawl through mud to escape slavery if I have to. Yeah, you bet I'd quit the slavery, and no, I don't need to be paid for ensuring my own freedom. But just imagine someone else who haven't the financial means to escape that employment hell.

I only filed the claim to have the situation documented. Had my claim been approved, I would have had to have been actively looking for work and making new contacts every week. I haven't been doing that at all, so I wouldn't have gotten any benefits anyways.

personal DNA

As seen on Susan Rose's blog and Lisa's blog ...

Apparently I had done this before, though I don't know how long ago:

Respectful Leader

And then here are the results from today:

Respectful Leader

"Your solid grounding in the practicalities of life, along with your self-assuredness and your willingness to appreciate new things make you a LEADER. "
"Your reserved nature, understanding of the world, and faith in others make you RESPECTFUL. "
hmm...my short attention span is beautifully translated as "Never one to pass on an adventure, you're consistently seeking and finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings."
full results here

update

This has been another one of those weeks where my schedule was hijacked by hospital vigils. So unexpected was the duration of this vigil that the cats did not have food for a day or two (fortunately they have plenty of water). I was getting really irritated at how long this has been. I am absolutely non-productive when I'm having to "wait." Anyhow, thanks be to God that things are as best as can be for the patient.

Man, do I need a shower! Man, does the kitchen need cleaning!

Good news, I got the job that I mentioned earlier. I'll be back with the original career and company and industry. Fortunately, they didn't offer me as much money as I had asked for--I'd have to do some real work if they did! ;) Thanks be to God!

If all goes as expected, I should be starting on the job the first Monday in November.

Oh fudge

Tweety's schedule is kinda upside down: sleeping late into the morning then up piddling around until the wee hours of the night. Sometimes sleep just doesn't come easy for Tweety. Most folks know not to call in the morning. Well, the phone rang this morning. Turns out it was for me and they left a message. Irritated with having sleep interrupted and irritated that I don't answer the phone, Tweety hollered for me to come get the message (the machine is in Tweety's room). I got the message then proceeded to erase it. Except that the message count went from "6" to "0." Oh fudge. Man, Tweety is really mad now as we both realized that I had erased all the messages and it's unrecoverable. So I darted off to mass, leaving Tweety to simmer down and try to continue sleeping.

Sometimes I can really fudge up, and be completely incapable of fixing it. Those moments are miserable for me. Then all I can do is dump it in God's hands and hope He'll see things through. I wonder about the folks for whom these "slips" happen more often, where they seem to make more wrong decisions than right ones. How miserable they must feel! I remember a story of a guy helping to fix his neighbor's truck while the neighbor was on vacation. Well, the guy did something wrong, a fire resulted and the neighbor's house went up in smoke. The poor guy was engulfed with remorse and guilt and his sense of self-worth went to zero. Stuff happens. At least this morning's mishap is not any where that tragic.

vocation retreat invite

The Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word, Houston, Texas

would like to invite women between the ages of 18-45

to join them in a vocation retreat

6 p.m. Friday, November 10, 2006

to

noon, Sunday, November 12, 2006

at their convent

contact Sr. Maura Theriot for more information

m t h e r i o t at ccvi-vdm . o r g

play ball

The company made an offer. It's lower than I expected. When I get finished with being pissed, I'll need to get my head together to play ball.

discoveries

I don't watch much TV. However, I saw some "daytime" TV (we don't have cable or satellite) recently. I have discovered what is on the commercials during the day: advertisements for trade schools or continuing education or distance learning, but mostly for trade schools. That's pretty smart.

I don't usually see late night TV either, but I hear the commercials are of the adult flavor.

Late this afternoon I discovered something else: band. We are very near an elementary school and a major high school. From my porch, I could hear the high school band in practice. I'm not outside much, but I was coming in from an errand this afternoon and heard the band. On weekends, I can also hear the cheering noise from the ball games in the park. The schools are next to each other and together they are next to the park.

breaking windows

We have had torrential rains for the past several days and there is widespread flooding in the city. Today it is sunny, but some areas are still flooded. Yesterday morning an SUV was pulled out of flood waters and discovered inside were the bodies of two women, 37 and 16. Apparently they could not get out of their car and drowned.

Gumby and I talked about this a little. We can speculate that it was dark and they didn't know that the water was deep. Once in the water, the car shut down and they were unable to open the windows, which were probably electric-operated. And with the force of water on every side, they were unable to open the car doors.

Gumby habitually carries scissors in the car. These would be the heavy all-metal type scissors. I'm guessing that they can cut seat belts but I've never tried. But the main point is that we can use these heavy scissors to break the car windows. Gumby said the backup was the tire iron. I don't have scissors in the car, but I do have the tire tools. Finally, a screwdriver might work. To break the window, you need something pointy (force = pressure per area, so pointy means less area which means more force for the same effort). Rear and side windows would be the ones to break.

If you'd rather not break the windows, then wait until the car is flooded and the water is equal inside and out and try to open the doors again.

for the Latin enthusiasts

Treasury of Latin Prayers
The Latin Liturgy Association, Inc. Home Page

and while we're at it

the Our Father and Hail Mary in a variety of languages

Still on my to-do list is to learn some of the prayers in Latin and the Our Father in Spanish. Perhaps one day it will happen. I'm still working on memorizing some other things. Growing up in USA, rote memorization has been undervalued so I'm not well-practiced. It took me a while to memorize the stuff needed for mass, and I still don't know the less common stuff (exposition, benediction, mass with a Bishop, etc.)

meme

tagged by T.O. at LAMLAND

Patience ... to refrain (in thought and action) from whacking self or others when things don't go our way

Penance ... to have to wear stockings and a dress that restricts your movements - all made from materials that do not absorb sweat; and also shoes that squish your toes, have no cushion while forcing you to walk on the balls of your feet, and which were designed to predisposition you to an ankle sprain ... and thus dressed, must invariably show up in a situation where you are to appear poised, polished and graceful

Piety ... giving God what is due to God

Prayer ... turning your consciousness to the divine and to heavenly beings

Four words for the following four friends to reflect upon:
generosity, gratitude, grace, gusto

...uh, are there actually four other people besides T.O. who visit this blog?

talking dog

I heard the following story from a pastor many months ago. I can't remember how he tied it into his homily; there is a very good chance that he didn't.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yeah," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered pretty young that I had this talent and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a whole bunch of medals. Now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner replies, "Ten dollars."
"This dog is amazing," says the man. "Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replied, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

taken from this webpage which has other dog stuff.

better metronomes

Yo, musicians, I do love some classical stuff and for sure a Wittner metronome is a classic to own. But before you go buy a ticking machine, check out today's technological offerings. For example, I'd love to own a Boss Dr. Beat 90 (but I won't because I'm not really a musician and it's downright pricey). For one thing, it doesn't just tick, it gives downbeats--now we're talking rhythm! It has different click sounds and this model shown also has human voice counting. It's loaded with rhythm patterns already or you can program your own. And as typical of electronic metronomes, you can connect a headset to it. This model has a bunch of other features too fancy for me to grasp. Anyhow, there are other offerings with cool features like this in a wide range of prices. Check them out at your local music store (particularly if they have drums and electric guitars; probably won't find these babies at a piano store) just for the fun of it. Yes, this particular model is entertaining all by itself.

arrgh!

Except for attendance at a free noontime organ/voice performance by some of Gumby's friends, I've spent all day trying to load the driver for our new Epson USB printer. We've had it for months but have been using it as a copier. The scanner function works ok, but the system will not take the printer function. The previous model installed fine. This is a replacement. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I've been going in circles with uninstalls, reboots, and reinstalls. I really don't want to mess with the Windows registry. I'm going to go to Microsoft's webpage now to see what I can find out.

All this started because I wanted to print out the user's manual for Gumby's new cell phone in color. Again, the cell phone is several months old but I'm just now getting around to it. It seems that companies are no longer providing printed manuals. !@#$%^&*! The computer system is too old to actually use the CD that comes with the phone, but I can still access the pdf manual. Now if only I can get the color printer to install.

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*DUH*
One of the system requirements is 256MB of RAM. I have 64MB. I'm starting to remember why the software has not been installed. Anyhow, I guess I was expecting the install wizard to actually tell me if I didn't have the right system. Well, the scanner works. I'll be able to use the printer function one day when I buy a new computer system.

Woo Hoo!!!

I think the interview went well. It was more of a "let's just meet and we'll fill you in on what we're doing and you can tell us a little bit about yourself." Now we just have to wait for Human Resources to do their thing. It was very nice, with very nice folks.

This is a really big opportunity for me. It's with the same company that laid me off last year, but different business unit, though same work location. No $ were mentioned (that's HR business), but even if they offered my old salary, it's twice that of the job from hell if you count in the benefits. However, I'm counting on them to know better than to offer me just my old salary.

I'm excited to be back in my old stomping grounds, some familiar folks and many more familiar folks when I get to working. This opportunity is big for anyone, and not necessarily in terms of $. This is going to be so cool. There is much, much work ahead, and I'm raring to go.

YESSSSS!

job interview: Thursday, 11:00 a.m.

marriage/divorce

Before I became Catholic, it was my belief that if the marriage is unhappy, sure, divorce. "Life is short," I'd say, "why stay in an unhappy relationship?"

Now I know better. Now I understand the sacramental nature of marriage. I've had co-workers who are living with their boyfriend or girlfriend. As we adults know, this living arrangement isn't platonic. "What's marriage but a piece of paper," they'd say. Ouch. They don't understand, just as I had not understood before. And indeed, if the ONLY difference between co-habitation and marriage is a piece of paper then why would anyone ever marry? If I can get all the benefits of marriage without ever outright committing myself to you, then why would I ever commit? Co-habitation cheapens marriage.

Of course the sacramental nature of marriage doesn't exist in the consciences of those who haven't embraced/developed their relationship with God. No God, no accountability to God--it's just "you" and "me." This is also a formula for unhappiness because when disagreements arise, it becomes "you" vs. "me." So when "I" concede, "you" win. There isn't the "I concede in order to do right by God" component, that my concession is not because "you" are right; my concession is in accordance to guidelines set by a God whom BOTH you and I agree is the ultimate authority. If both parties don't share the same faith, it's not going to work very well either.

Anyhow, back to the original thought. I am now no longer so flippant about marriage or divorce.

daily devotionals

A CDP Sister (I STILL DO LOVE YOU, Sister) once took the time to detail for me the various Catholic daily devotionals available. For those not familiar, they are typically meditations on the Bible reading for the day. I still have the e-mail somewhere, either electronically or in print, but I don't know where at the moment. Here are three from memory:

Magnificat
Living Faith
Word Among Us

She also mentioned SHARE THE WORD but it is no longer being published, and DAILY GOSPEL 2005 by the Claretians, and LIVING WITH CHRIST which only has the readings no meditations and AT HOME WITH THE WORD 2005 often used for lectors to prepare.

There are also these seasonal ones:
The Little Blue/Black/Purple/White Book

book instead of journal/mag like those above (the book list can get really long so I probably won't maintain a book list):
People's Companion to the Breviary 2 volume set published by the Carmelites of Indianapolis (thanks Natty)

If there are others, I'll be glad to edit this entry and add them to the list.

morning mix

Pooh is in need of some legal advice. Locally there is a volunteer lawyers program. Since we don't have the finances to outright hire a lawyer, we went to check it out. Volunteer lawyers would show up at certain community centers on certain Saturdays. Fortunately, today it was at a community center that wasn't too far away. We spent the morning and some of the afternoon waiting for our turn. We were late getting there and almost didn't get in (they have a cut-off number of how many people they would see). Pooh's file was next to last.

I was trying to read my book but it was futile. Pooh started talking to some of the people around. The first guy just rambled on and on and neither Pooh nor I understood his thick accent ... something about worker's compensation and lower back pain. When we moved to the next room we got separated from the guy and ended up at a table with some other folks. One guy had his legs shot up from a drive by shooting, but he does manage to walk with a walker. Another lady had one side of her face smashed with a baseball bat; she looked ok though because she has had reconstructive surgery done. The guy at the far end started (and won't stop) talking about the Messianic church he attends and was inviting all to the feast of tabernacles they were celebrating.

The guy that was shot up started quoting bible verses and expounded on them. I didn't have much to say. I can neither quote bible verses nor expound on them. The lady next to me, in reply to something Pooh said, asked if Catholics read the bible. Well sure we do. King James? No. What bible then? Most likely Douay-Rheims or the New American Bible. I went on to say that the King James version would be considered a protestant Bible and that Martin Luther had thrown out some books from the Old Testament, namely the ones in Greek. She said her husband and kids are Catholic, but they never read the Bible. The Kids are all grown now.

Well, it's good to see folks excited about Jesus, though I don't quite know what to make of it. I won't say much more than that lest wander into being offensive.

drink

I like this stuff. When I go to the grocery store just around the corner from us, I usually reward myself (for running the grocery errand) with one of these cans. It's just water, soybeans & cane sugar; no carbonation. Actually, the can I have is labeled "Soymilk" and is 10 fl. oz. but the can looks like this one. It think it was $0.69

I think I like the Soya Bean Drink as well but it isn't what is sold at this particular store.

hopefully the importfood.com folks won't sue me for borrowing their photo

Yippee

Well, I broke down and applied for jobs at my old industry, my original career. I got a call this morning and we spoke briefly. No interview yet but they'd like to set up one for next week. I'll have to wait for that call. But hey, it's a start.

Dear Lord, if this is for me, please help me get there. If this is not for me, please don't let it be.

re-orienting

I consider myself to be quite adaptable. But maybe it's not so. Rather, I'm task-oriented. I can be quite single-minded/focused. For example, if I set out to cook dinner, and find that the kitchen is a mess, I don't take a detour and clean up the kitchen. Instead I'd find a way to cook dinner despite the condition of the kitchen. In the job previous to this last one, the rules were rather fluid but instead of complaining about the changes, I'd take it in stride and just jump over the hurdles because my intention is to get to point B.

What makes me reconsider my adaptability is that I can get easily disoriented. I remember spending a week with one of the orders one time, and it took about a week for me to get back settled into my old routine when I came back. Even with spending a day with the Dominicans recently, it took conscious effort to settle back into daily life. A few years back, we had the living room and kitchen floors re-done. Everything was in disarray. Unbeknownst to anyone, that really messed me up; my psyche didn't like at all.

At this time, I am having to get re-oriented after spending six months on a job that took 12-14 hours of my day. I'm having to remind myself what day of the week it is, how to structure my day and my week. I get confused occasionally, like what the bleep am I doing [in the big picture of things]. Starting tomorrow, I will try to attend mass daily. That should give me a constant from which I can then attend to everything else.

Who?

I got up this morning around 6:30 a.m.; my back pain did not allow me to lie about longer. I fired off one e-mail in pursuit of a job, then read chapter 5 on Dominican spirituality. I have chapters 5 and 6 saved to my computer. It's been so long since I read the other chapters that I don't remember what they covered. Chapter 5 is "Dominican Life is Liturgical" which basically emphasizes that prayer is central to daily Dominican life. Unless we have spent time in prayer and pondering, we might miss the Lord's promptings: "Sometimes the Holy Spirit sends his illuminations long after the period of formal prayer has passed. It may be in the thick of the apostolate that the priest hears his whisperings. He will not hear these soft-spoken promptings if he does not live in the atmosphere of prayer, if he has not made a cell in his own heart."(1)

Then I went in search of the book online, searching the Dominican links I have, and was unsuccessful. Well, I still have chapter 6 to read and I'm quite certain I'll find it eventually.

Then I had a can of soup for breakfast. Then reviewed the first chapter of my CCNA book. That made me groggy - a full belly and a dry book. So I proceeded to pick up my attempt to memorize Psalm 27. I was working on the third "stanza" (Hear my voice, LORD, when I call...) Going over and over it in my groggy mind. Then out of nowhere pops "Did you tell me who I am?"

My immediate reaction was "Who is this idiot that needs me to tell him who he is?" Which was very quickly followed by "uh oh" then ...

Lord, You are my God and my Saviour.
Just as the beginning of the Psalm said, You are my light and my salvation.
You are the source of all good.
You are the source of my being.
You are my Lord and my God.

1. DOMINICAN SPIRITUALITY: PRINCIPLES AND PRACTICE by William A. Hinnebusch, O.P.

out

Last day on the job. I tried to leave quietly but one rowdy fella pretty much announced it to all with a loud "BYE ___!" as I was walking out. I spread the news to some yesterday evening. Then the news got around this morning. So by the time I left this afternoon, I would think that most if not all knew about it.

I am very happy to be leaving the job that just didn't fit me. I did no better and no worse than anyone else, though I did have one or two commendations. It just wasn't good for my psyche for me to be stationary to a cubicle 12-14 hours straight daily (except for for a restroom break, butt break, or a vist to the vending machine) and constantly on edge to keep on top of things. Exhausted when I get home at night, dragging when I get up in the morning.

So now I'm happily liberated, though unemployed. I stopped by a church on the way home. I was hoping to do an impromptu visit to an OP afterwards, but there was no answer when I called and I didn't leave a message. So I just went home. Then washed my car. Finally. I hadn't seen daylight on a weekday in such a long time. It was strange. But very nice.

Jasper test results

OK, I threw out a *few* resumes. Hopefully some company is desperate enough to hire me. Did I already say that dial-up on my dinosaur computer is *slow* ? Then for fun I took the Jasper test. Results follow. I think I'd make a terrific Dominican novice. I just need corporate sponsorship to make my debts disappear.

Type 1 (Thinker)
What you want out of work:To quietly do your work in a thoughtful way without rocking the boat too much.
Your colleagues think of you as:Introspective, somewhat reserved but easy to get along with.
What you have to offer:A steady worker who thinks things through before acting.

Diplomatic. Your leadership style can be characterized as Diplomatic. You are patient and poised and exude a sense of calm. When you're in a leadership role, you are tactful in your interactions and your relaxed disposition makes others feel assured in your presence.
Agreeable. You are more Agreeable than Rousing when it comes to your work personality. As someone who goes with the flow, you have the ability to adapt to almost any change that is thrown your way. You tend to be quite accommodating to your colleagues and easy to be around.
Multi-tasking skills. With multi-tasking as your strongest universal skill, you are likely effective in managing multiple things at once and are talented in producing work quickly. You are sharp, tend to be a quick learner, and don't get daunted in the face of stress.
Collaborative. You show strength in your ability to be a Collaborative worker. While you're not at a loss when working by yourself, you feel much more productive when you can work with a team and bounce ideas off of other people. You also likely enjoy the camaraderie of group work.

The Jasper Test is Monster’s free online Job Assets & Strengths Profile Test career tool designed to help you find the ideal work environment. I didn't post the link previously partly because I'm lazy and partly because you might have to have a Monster account to access it.

rite

What is Seeking_Something up to? Seeking has had enough with the job from hell. I intend to end my hell very soon. Do I have another job lined up? No. Well, that's crazy. Uh huh, but I gotta do what I gotta do.
----------------
We had the rite of acceptance at mass this morning. Four catechumens and two candidates will now move forth into RCIA Sundays - "to know God and to love your neighbor", then hopefully to join at Easter.

a snippet from the rite:
Priest: What do you ask of God's Church?
Catechumens: Faith.
Priest: What does faith offer you?
Catechumens: Eternal Life.

My friends, these few words are very big questions. WHAT DO YOU ASK OF GOD'S CHURCH? This is so mind-boggling I don't even know where to begin. In this rite, God's Church promises you FAITH.

The next time that "Church" disappoints you, I'd like to ask you, "What is Church?" and "What do YOU ask of God's Church?"

HELP!

Howdy all. If you could help out efforts in Kenya, it would be much appreciated.

I have met this tenacious, resourceful and energetic Sister and I assure you that no donation will be wasted. It is a very challenging political environment there in Africa. Your assistance in monetary or material goods or spiritual support and moral encouragement will help them overcome their challenges. Even an e-mail would be uplifting. Snail mail, I was told, is much appreciated. Any teachers out there? You could have your young'uns overwhelm these missionaries with a postcard from each of your students.

US Postage rates to Kenya are $0.75 for post cards not exceeding 6" x 4 1/4" and $0.84 for envelopes not exceeding 1 ounce. (For reference: the domestic $0.39 rate is for an evelope not exceeding 1 ounce.)

Thanks all.

just a little OP time

My job from hell kept me from getting to the Dominican event on time. In fact, I was an hour late. Even at that, I was violationg some job rules, leaving before the job was done (almost 3 hours past my shift end). I was very angry when I left work; the workload is downright unreasonable. But in the 15 minutes that took me to get to the Dominicans, I had calmed down.

I enjoyed the time I had with the OP's. We had a nice turn-out of seven women, myself included, discerning. I slept fine Friday night and woke up Saturday around 6:15 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. Then my bladder eventually made get out of bed. Still a little groggy, I bumped the wall in the bathroom and probably woke up the person adjoined to the bathroom. Oops. Uh, a little taste of community life for that person maybe. Anyhow, had I been at home I would probably have slept until 9 or 10 a.m.

I'm back home now, back to my reality. I like my goodbyes short and simple, so as soon as I got the good bye hugs, I was out the door. Mainly because I know that my hosts will have post-event work to do and I didn't want to delay them. I'm up for my volunteer gig at my parish tomorrow. I'll be back to my usual Sunday get-ready-for-the-week activities. I'll need to shoot off a thank-you card as soon as possible, and perhaps send snail mail to one of the OP's overseas. She was here for the event but was leaving to return to her mission. It'd be nice for her to get mail.

love the blog

Ask Sister Mary Martha is just a blast. I can't remember what alerted me to this blog. I love it.

weekend in review

On the topic of confession, I wonder what the priests do afterwards. They can't talk about it. Do they just emerge from the confessional and say something like, "Well, that hour is over. Hey, you wanna go grab some cold beer? I wonder what's for dinner?"

-------------------
Slept late yesterday. Got up and chilled out for the morning. Forgot all about the shuttle launch. I was doing dishes around noon when Tonto got up. I ran some errands. Came back and ate a little something then my stomach got upset. Tonto agreed that I shouldn't worry about the other errands. So I took a nap until ...
"Hey, have you gone to bed for the night?"
"No, it was supposed to be a nap. What time is it?"
"Eleven"
Wow. That's a 4-hour nap.
So I got up and reheated some dinner for Tonto. I ate a slice of watermelon then spent some time on the computer. After several rounds of Sudoku, I finally got my butt up around 2 a.m. to take care of some of the things I meant to take care of that day: vacuumed half the house, cleaned out the cat house (man, they made a mess), refilled the water cooler, and ironed five t-shirts. I think I went to bed around 4:30. Sunday morning I was up at 9 a.m. ready to go. I changed out the porch light bulb before heading of to mass.

My Pastor ... I do love my pastor ... most masses, he manages to bungle up something. But he's so handsome and rather senior so it's kinda cute. (Well, he's also pretty darn smart, gives great homilies and is absolutely awesome with the sacraments.)
---------------

Ran into two sisters at a restaurant check-out counter this afternoon. "Hello, Sister, are you with the CCVI's?" I inquired. "No, IWBS" she said. "Oh, Incarnate Word. Say hello to Sr. __ " I admit I was pretty smug about knowing those initials. Actually, IWBS is the English version, they are actually CVI's. There are so many out there, it could easily have been one that I'm not familiar with. Oh, and I knew they were Sisters only because they wore the nun's headpiece and I guessed at the congregation by the colors they wore. Many of the CVI's do wear the habit.
---------------

I'm looking forward to next weekend, when I get to spend some time with the OP's.

finally

...made it to confession
My confessor said to me, "Sit back, this is not a test."

hee hee

Please

If you name your dog "Please" then I suppose it would go like this:

Please, sit!
Please, down!
Please, stay!
Please, no!

and so on...

no sir

I am 99.99% of the time stony faced and dead serious, except for the occasional obligatory smile to go with "hello!" and "I'm just fine!" And in truth, I am at this moment stony faced and dead serious, but at least I can be more expressive in writing:

**giggle**
I received a vocational mailing today ... from a men's order.
**giggle**

Yes, I get gender mix-ups quite often. It happens quite understandably when it's not face to face, due to my name being what it is (which y'all don't know). It sometimes happens even in person, but only rarely. Gender neutral jeans an t-shirts kinda confuses some, I guess.

honey do

Happy Labor Day to all.

Went to work today. Left work half an hour before my shift ended. Came home and ate a little something. Ran a little errand for Tonto. Then bought a kitchen faucet on sale. Then spent the rest of the evening uninstalling the old faucet and installing the new faucet. The last time I did this, it was a $20 faucet (so it was the $20 faucet that I was removing). We went more upscale this time with the faucet. The last time I did this, it was also my first time it it confirmed that yes indeed, I do NOT have a basin/faucet wrench. I remember that fact but still refused to buy one, since replacement of a faucet hasn't happened all that often. The new faucet looks good a works good.

That's the thing about having a house: you are forever fixing this or fixing that. There is a very long list of what this house needs. A few weeks ago I put up a towel rack. It took a whole month before I ever got around to it.

Maybe if Tonto's friend, the one that helped us with the washer and introduced me to agitator dogs, would get in touch then he'd help super tighten the faucet down. Tonto is really concerned about this friend as we've not heard from him in a while. "I hope he's not dead," Tonto says. Some people are plagued with stuff that happens to them -- he's one of those.

whipped

I'm exhausted. I know, you hear that from me ALL the time. I can't even begin to tell you about my past week. It would take up the entire internet space ... yes, really. I crawled to bed around 4a.m. last night. The plan was to shower in the morning. Well, I woke up barely in time to just wash up and make it to mass. (Thank you God for waking me up in time.) I was up for my volunteer stint; I had to be there. I was a little late getting there and normally I'd jog up to the church doors if I was running late. But this morning, I could only think about how I'm too tired to jog. My volunteer thing does not require me to interact. So I did my thing and left. I didn't say anything to anybody - coming or going. I didn't even greet my pastors. No hug, no "good morning" - just in and out. And either everything went just fine with the volunteer thing (thank you, Holy Spirit), or I was just too out-of-it to recognize that there were problems.

I'm popping some pills for my sinus and I'm going to take a nap.

Not on most days

It went like this:

"Excuse me. Good morning, Father."
"Good morning."
"Do you guys do confessions on Sunday?"
"No."
"No?"
"No, only on [this particular day of the week, at this hour]"

hmm...

who knows?

Who knows what God has in mind? All I can do is trust in His will; I know that His plans are best. Who would've thought that I'd be Catholic, or even Christian? Who knows why He waited so long to bring me to this point, why he waited until I am almost too old to enter a convent? (Yes, I know: "Say not I am too young ...")

Even now, though I am chomping at the the bit and stamping my feet in impatience, the gate has not opened. This is not to say that He has done nothing, because He has certainly done much. But I am getting impatient with the preparations; I know He is preparing both me and the community in which I am to enter.

Patience is a virtue. I do know one way to beat the devil is to have patience and persistence. Perhaps this is a battle of patience at the moment. I have no choice but to wait. And while the angels fight for me, it is my job not to crumble. Lord, it is you for whom I wait. I am in the desert, I am without daily mass, without spiritual direction, and now without Sunday communion, but I know I am NOT without YOU. The devil may dance but I know he won't win.

today

Tired. Seems like I'm always tired.

Was hungry this morning, but I didn't eat since I was going to mass. On the way there, it occurred to me that I shouldn't take communion until I've been to confession. (Thank you, God, for reminding me.) Oh well. I guess it was still good to have fasted. I don't know when or where I'll be doing confession. Everything is so much more difficult with this job--it sucks my time and energy.

Came back home after mass and gobbled up a variety of leftovers ... then my digestive system objected. Fortunately it was only a mild objection.

I was given a new book yesterday: The Essential Moral Handbook - A Guide to Catholic Living by Kevin J. O'Neil, C.S.S.R. and Peter Black, C.S.S.R. I have read the intro (thanks to the mild digestive system objection) and it seems to be a very readable and interesting book. So I suppose this will be my current read.

Cell phone that was lost has been returned.

New gas station opened up near our house. It currently has the best price around. I filled up both cars for less than fifty bucks.

Else I'm just continuing to struggle ... struggling against my tiredness, against my smallness of heart and smallness of mind. Trying to stay awake and to function, trying to find the energy to move out of autopilot.....zzzzz

stuff

Interesting knick knacks at Foster's ... not that I would want to temp anyone's pocketbook.

On the topic of "stuff", I had mentioned to friends that if I get married, my wedding registry would be at one of the big name car dealerships.

one night invite

"Hearts Ablaze"

Come Risk the Sacred Journey

A gathering for women ages 20-40

who are discerning a call to religious life

Friday, September 15, 2006 - 6:00 P.M.

Until

Saturday, September 16, 2006 - 6:00 P.M.

Dominican Sisters' Meeting Room

Houston, Texas

To register or for more information please contact:

p c a s e y at d o m h o u . o r g

(out of the office August 28th - September 4th)

"Weren't our hearts ablaze within us while he was talking to us on the road"

blah

Nothing much to report. I'm now sleeping in Gumby's room so that Gumby might wake me if my assistance is needed. However, I have been told that Gumby has on occasion screamed in pain but the screams did nothing to disturb my sleep. I suggested that something can be thrown at me to wake me up. This is interesting since my sleep was lighter when I we had our sick dog back in October. I actually would wake up when he whimpered. Evidently somewhere in the back of my brain it must have figured that it need not be alarmed at Gumby's activities. So I happily snooze away for the 4-5 hours that I might get each night.

The day or two after I posted about headlights being amazingly long lasting, I had to replace one of the headlight bulbs on my car. This week our neighbor replaced the car battery for me. Last weekend I lost my cell phone at mass. Gumby is convinced that it was stolen. Sad thing is that people's phone numbers are now in the hands of some unknown person. May God render the phone (or at least the SIM) inoperable. I had the phone set so that when it powers on, the opening text is "Seek first the kingdom of God." Hopefully it will be heeded.

Ps 27 / prayer before a crucifix

I'm pretty sure it's going to take me more than a week to memorize this one. Anyways, here goes.
--------------------------

Psalm 27

Of David

-A-
I
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
   whom do I fear?
The LORD is my life's refuge;
   of whom am I afraid?
When evildoers come at me
   to devour my flesh,
These my enemies and foes
   themselves stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me,
   my heart does not fear;
Though war be waged against me,
   even then do I trust.


II
One thing I ask of the LORD;
   this I seek:
To dwell in the LORD'S house
   all the days of my life,
To gaze on the LORD'S beauty,
   to visit his temple.
For God will hide me in his shelter
   in time of trouble,
Will conceal me in the cover of his tent;
   and set me high upon a rock.
Even now my head is held high
   above my enemies on every side!
I will offer in his tent
   sacrifices with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and chant praise to the LORD.


-B-
I
Hear my voice, LORD, when I call;
   have mercy on me and answer me.
"Come," says my heart, "seek God's face";
   your face, LORD, do I seek!
Do not hide your face from me;
   do not repel your servant in anger.
You are my help; do not cast me off;
   do not forsake me, God my savior!
Even if my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will take me in.


II
LORD, show me your way;
   lead me on a level path
   because of my enemies.
Do not abandon me to the will of my foes;
   malicious and lying witnesses
   have risen against me.
But I believe I shall enjoy the LORD'S goodness
   in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD, take courage;
   be stouthearted, wait for the LORD! 

Prayer Before a Crucifix

Look down upon me, good and gentle Jesus, while before Your face I humbly kneel and with burning soul pray and beseech You to fix deep in my heart lively sentiments of faith, hope and charity, true contrition for my sins, and a firm purpose of amendment.

While I contemplate, with great love and tender pity, Your five most precious wounds, pondering over them within me and calling to mind the words which David, Your prophet, said of You, My Jesus: "They have pierced my hands and my feet, they have injured all my bones." Amen

my personality revealed

Okay, so a three question test of two choices each question doesn't allow for much variation. I looked at the test again today and my answers didn't change ... guess I'm not multiple personality (yet, anyways).

So I went looking for the meaning of an "SP" personality; and the SP group, like for all the personality groups, have four variations. I pick the introvert variations, and being that I'm no artist, went with mechanic. So the personality is then "ISTP." I didn't go looking for the other personality types ... this one seems close enough.

Indeed I'm hands-on, laid back, doing-stuff, how-does-it-work, need-time-to-think/sort, don't-trust-my-feelings type. Yes, I do tend to revert to being rather juvenile when under stress.

Take for example, this weekend at the Dominican jubilee celebration. This is a huge event. And what did I do? I showed up in jeans and t-shirt. Yes, I had caved into the temptation of "so sue me" "what are you gonna do, fire me?" "the hell with it" slacker attitude. I had considered slinking off with my tail tucked but decided against it. I'll risk the embarassment, with the hopes of dazzling them so with my personality that the dress (or lack thereof) shall be forgiven. The results were less than stellar since there is nothing dazzling about my introverted somebody-save-me-please personality. I would just have to redeem myself another way ... like staying to the end and helping with the clean up ... shoot, I was dressed for that.

so tell me about myself

Your Personality Is

Artisan (SP) You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations. You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky. You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations. It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school. You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you. You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience. In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment. At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur. With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out. As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes. On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

The Three Question Personality Test

(seen at LamLand)

on the mend

Tonto's medical procedure went well. However, there were some very rough moments these past five days. Codeine was never an option. The side effects of morphine became unbearable and Tonto eventually refused it. The body seems to have gotten used to Demerol from the previous go-around. Currently a combination of Tylenol and oxycodone seems to be working. But the day that the morphine was discontinued, the right medication and right dosage was not yet dialed in and the pain went unchecked until the doc came in the next morning and upped the dosage.

However, Tonto is progressing far better this time than last time. Don't know if Tonto will be moved to another unit or discharged home with continuing home care. Perhaps we'll know Monday. In the mean time, I have to go back to work since I didn't get fired. I'll head back to the hospital tonight, spend the night and leave for work in the morning from there. Tonto is leery of this particular nurse...so much so that Tonto didn't sleep a wink last night. I'll spend the night and plan to sleep sitting up. If I lie down, I'm out like a light.

book meme

I've been tagged by T.O., who has far more interesting entries for this meme, but here goes...
1. One book that changed your life: Catholic bible (honestly, though, no ONE book has ever changed my life ... I lean a lot on St. Augustine's Confessions as well and hope to eventually have St. Ambrose and the early church fathers thoughts in my mental tool shed)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once: Catholic bible (not that I ever finished it)
3. One book you'd want on a desert island: Catholic bible (maybe I can finish reading it while waiting for my ship to come in, provided that I don't get dragged off by native cannibal islanders)
4. One book that made you laugh: Alice in Wonderland would probably do the trick, but I've never read it
5. One book that made you cry: Joy Luck Club (I can't remember who gave me that book ... lucky for them)
6. One book that you wish had been written: no vote here because even if it were written, I'd probably not read it
7. One book that you wish had never been written: any book on the occult...I don't and won't read them
8. One book you’re currently reading: none...been collapsing of sheer exhaustion lately
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Catholic bible (well, I've been meaning to finish reading it)
10. Now tag five people: you, you, you, you, and you too

sorry, I'm not particularly bookish in recent years

rainbows

Driving home this evening I saw a rainbow. The sky was darkish, the sun was setting and the night was coming in. Spread across the partly cloudy sky was a huge rainbow, its red well contrasted against the darkish gray. The rainbow had blurred edges and had some parts hidden behind clouds; it looked like an oil painting. So big was this rainbow that I would have to turn my head to see the other end. Unlike other rainbows that looked transparent, this one looked solid, like you could touch it.

Yesterday I saw a rainbow as I was driving home as well. But I had left work earlier in the day and it was the "usual" transparent faint rainbow with the sun shining against the clouds. Yesterday, though, there was a moment where it seemed like I was driving right through one of the ends of the rainbow.

These rainbows ... it's as if God is saying "I'm still here."

ARRRRRGGGHHH !!!!

I attempted the CCNA test again. And for the second time, I did not pass. friggin fraggin *grumble* How shall I put it ... frustrating, exasperating, aggravating, agonizing, de-moralizing, humiliating, disappointing ... yes, my friends painful and bitter was this defeat. So much so that I inwardly whined "unfair!" violating my own rule of no-whining. On the positive side, I didn't score less than last time.

I have proven once more that it's hard as hell to cram successfully for this test. There are simulator labs on the test that I simply have not been able to pass. My dinosaur of a computer cannot run simulators so I've not been able to practice. As an analogy, it is sort of like being able to pass my music theory but not able play a music instrument and therefore failed the exam. You see, it's hard to learn to play a music instrument without having one to practice on. However, it is not impossible to learn this stuff without the simulator -- it's just harder.

I've calmed down by this time, though still bitter. I'm just going to have to crunch down and study harder, and get other study materials. Some of the questions on the test were not covered that thoroughly in the book I have. I have to remind myself that there a worse things: war, domestic abuse, poverty, etc. This was just friggin certification test.

Got a hair cut today. It almost would pass for a head shave except that I do have some length of hair left. Then I got my tires rotated (sure hope they rotated all four tires). It was closing time and the guys at the tire store were hurrying to get everything done before the advancing storm clouds hit us. It went from a scorchingly hot day to a storming evening.

Ps 23 / peace prayer

I occasionally take up the project of memorizing a prayer. This week's project is the 23rd Psalm and the Universal Peace Prayer. I didn't quite find the ideal 23rd Psalm translation, but I gotta settle on one, so I picked the NIV version. Kinda odd how it changes from third person to second person. Depeding on how crazy my schedule is, this might take me more than a week.
--------------------------

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.


The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
   he leads me beside quiet waters,


he restores my soul.
   He guides me in paths of righteousness
   for his name's sake.


Even though I walk
   through the valley of the shadow of death,
   I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.


You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
   You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.


Surely goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
   and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.


--------------------------
Universal Peace Prayer


Lead me from death to life,
   from falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope,
   from fear to trust.
Lead me from hate to love,
   from war to peace.
Let peace fill my heart,
   my world, my universe.
Amen.

worn out

Friday I was so tired. I looked at the clock (on my computer) and saw that my shift was over. I had answered all my e-mails up to that point. I shut down my computer and just got up and left. Nevermind that I had work piled up from yesterday. Nevermind that I didn't get to all the stuff I was supposed to get to today (or yesterday). Nevermind that I had put on my timesheet that I would work 14 hours that day. Since my co-workers were all busy, buried in their own pile of stuff, I bet they didn't notice me leaving. I'm sure they were shocked when they looked around and found that I wasn't there--I who show up at 7am and don't leave until 8pm or later.

I was just really tired. I couldn't take it any more. The intent was to come back on Saturday morning. After spending $65 to fill up both cars yesterday, Pogo said to save on the gas and don't go into work today. I'm all too happy to comply. So I'll just have a pile of stuff to deal with next week.

After paying this month's mortgage and light bill, my paycheck is just about gone, *poof*. Next week I intend to take a day off since Pogo is going back in the hospital and have asked for my assistance on pre-op day. Then I might take the entire week off the following week for Pogo's surgery. This is a job with no benefits, so we're talking no pay. Might be slim pickin' on the next paycheck. And if my employer is really pissed off at me by then, it may be my last paycheck. Then I would once again be liberated (i.e. unemployed). As I said, I'm just friggin' tired.

luv my car

Yup, I love my car. But I was willing to lose it, if it came down to that because we couldn't make the payments. I'm glad it didn't come to that. My brother has a competitor's model and his car has more bells and whistles, but I do believe I have a better engine. I took my car for an oil change this morning; I wanted to have a tire rotation too but the tire shop was packed and they said the wait would be about an hour and a half. I'll just try again another time or another day.

Anyhow, with the short wheelbase, smooth engine, and driver positioning for good view out the large windows, it's fun to drive. It being a little higher off the ground and having larger tires help me navigate flood conditions common around here. (Those larger tires sure can hurt the pocketbook, though.) Its short wheelbase makes for cramped quarters and it's not a very good passenger car, but I seldom have passengers. A short wheelbase also means that I won't be towing anything, but that's okay. They don't make the model in this body style anymore; this same model keeps getting a little bigger each time they modify it. I like newer cars for their increased performance and efficiency, but I sure do love my car!

We usually trade in our cars when it gets too expensive to repair (i.e. they don't make the model any more and it's hard to get parts). I don't know what the future of my ride is, but it'd be cool if I can drop in a newer model engine and maybe tranny too when this one gives out, and just keep the body style.

By the way, isn't it absolutely amazing how long your car lights last?

seeds

Seen last week but didn't have time to blog...
Over at the Holy Vocations blog, Estevan had been getting some advice to try the world before entering the seminary. Thankfully, wise priests have given him the advice that you don't take a good seed and put in it bad soil to see how it grows. Rather, you take that good seed and put in fertile soil. Hence for priests, the seminary is the best place to discern their vocation.

Likewise ladies, don't be afraid to enter the convent. You won't be snatched up and locked away for life. Both you and they will be discerning; you won't (and can't) go at it alone.

If there is anything that gives me pause, it is the thought that I might "waste" the community's resources. By "waste" I mean they pour themselves into me only to find out years later that it's not a good fit. I hope to mitigate that risk by being very discerning in the first place, deciding where to enter, and by likewise pouring myself into them when I do enter. I hope their lives will be a little richer for just having me around. Not bragging ... just a human thing. There are folks who have made my life richer just because I knew them, however briefly. (I thank you, God, for the beautiful people you have made.) In the words of someone else, we leave our footsteps in each others hearts. Then in the end whether I leave or take final vows would be a decision that I and the community make together as we discern where it is that God wants me.

short PSA

When you telephone someone and you hear the ringing, it is not their phone ringing that you hear. When you make a call, a signal is sent to the destination phone to make it ring. A separate ringing tone is sent to you to let you know that your call is in progress. Hence you don't actually hear the other phone ring (at least not through your phone).

bumper thing

standard Texas plate:

While stopped at a traffic light on leaving mass, my eyes were caught by the rear of the dark blue car in front of me. My mind was elsewhere, but I was somewhere eyeing the bright colors on this bumper. Our license plates have a tiny state of Texas separating the license numbers. On this one, the tiny state is rainbow-colored. On the bumper, starting from the left and running about 3/4 across is a very narrow sticker strip, also rainbow colored and each color clearly demarcated from the next (instead of blending into the next color). It caught my eye because it started out straight but then took a dip and then came back up across. Then on the lower left of the bumper is a small rectangle, again rainbow colors, each color bar stacked on top of the next.

Having had a few science classes, I'm used to seeing rainbow colors expressed horizontally. The rectangular vertical stack kinda caused a brain re-wiring somewhere.

My first thought was "hmm...they've got a license plate expressing their Mexican heritage." We have a strong Mexican subculture here. But then wait a minute, those are not Mexico colors. It was only then that I realized they were rainbow colors, as were the rectangle and strip. Now it got my full attention. My thought turned to Natty and I grinned, being very pleased with myself for knowing what that rainbow thing is. I thought that the license plate was fun looking, the rectangle was tasteful, and the strip suggests someone who isn't particularly uptight (they didn't care that it wasn't centered or that it wasn't straight). As with all people-watching, I wondered who the two ladies in the car were and what those bumper stickers meant to them.

The use of symbols - still a hallmark of being "human." Are there people who do not know that the cross sometimes means something other than the math operator symbol for addition? Are there many like myself who are largely unaware that the rainbow in this case meant something besides the light wavelength spectrum?

in sync

Friday morn my Dominican liason sent me "A BIG HELLO" e-mail (her title exactly). I didn't see it until I got home later that night. But what was cool was that as I was leaving work I decided to call her though I was completely unaware of this e-mail. She wasn't in; she was giving a presentation for some big meeting this weekend, so I didn't get to talk to her. Anyhow, it just kinda says that we're in sync, we both felt that it was time for a "hello."

"Dominican liason" sounds a bit bureaucratic but that's where we are at the moment. I am very fond of her and she assures me that the community is very fond of me. She is one of my favorite Dominicans, and if you meet her, I'm sure she would be one of your favorites as well. Anyhow, at this time my relationship with the Dominicans is facilitated through her. It's early yet in the relationship. Both sides have been very busy and we've barely seen each other. Hmm...but it seems that we're in sync.

movie tonite

Tonight, there will be another one of those rare excursions to the movie theatre. I am perfectly contented if I never see another movie. Pixie, on the other hand, is a movie buff. The compromise is to see a movie once in a while, particularly those with special effects that are best appreciated on a big screen. Jurassic Park was one of those; it was quite breathtaking to hear the boom of the dinasaur's steps and then to see the first view of them. Others we picked included Titanic, King Kong and MI:III. We'll also go if the movie is particularly meaningful like Schindler's List and The Passion. Tonight is especially rare because it will be IMAX ... Superman IMAX.

We have quite a distance to drive to this theatre, so to be sure that we'll get in, I got the tickets online. I could only find it at one place and they charged an additional $1 per ticket ... grumble.

It's been raining off and on in this city all week, and now it looks like it's going to rain again. Hopefully the weather won't be too bad when we take that trek tonight. (Going at the last showing of the day in hopes of avoiding the big crowd.)

4th of July

Happy Independence Day to all!

As one of the priests said on Sunday, we are blessed to live in this country, where we a free to worship and to practice our religion.

Indeed, sometimes I attend mass because I remember that there have been people who have had to risk their lives to attend mass. And here I am, all I have to do is roll out of bed, hop in my car and show up. I'm sure the general public would prefer that I practice some personal hygiene before showing up, but in theory, I don't have to. I think too of you folks up north having to bundle up your kids, de-ice the car and trudge through snow to make it to mass. Hats off to you folks. Compared to that, I don't have any excuses to miss mass.

Many thanks to for our troops past and present who guard and gain us our freedom. Many thanks to our public servants for their help in the governance of this country.

Dear God, please guide us. Let us not squander the gifts you've given. Let us not grow haughty and forget our neediness. Protect us from offending you. Teach us to live.

blessing

You can stop by Fr. Corapi's site and get a priestly blessing. Congratulations to those in Batavia, Illinois as he will be there for a speaking engagement soon. As is typical of his appearances, it is SOLD OUT. This guy can probably fill a stadium, really.

word

The one word meme as seen on Natty's blog and Susan's blog

1. Yourself: nondescript
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: steamy (HA HA HA HA)
3. Your hair: present
4. Your Mother: far
5. Your Father: far
6. Your Favorite Item: car
7. Your dream last night: none
8. Your Favorite Drink: yum
9. Your Dream House: heaven
10. The Room You Are In: cluttered
11. Your Ex: forgotten
12. Your fear: disappointment
13. Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Dominican
14. Who you hung out with last night: didn't
15. What You're Not: loud
16. Your Best Friend: Jesus
17. One of Your Wish List Items: life
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: typed
20. What You Are Wearing: casual
21. Your Favorite Weather: variable
22. Your Favorite Book: none
23. The Last Thing You Ate: popsicle
24. Your Life: adventure
25. Your Mood: careless
26. What are you thinking about right now: bumming

dreaming

Got the state inspection sticker on both cars, filled up my tank, got some moolah from the bank and mailed off some stuff. So goes the morning.

Right now, I all of a sudden would like to go horseback riding. A nice english saddle on a clean saddle pad, securely cinched; a simple snaffle bit bridle with supple reins; and of course a quiet, easy-going horse. It's a little strange perched up there on the horse's back with nothing to stop you from just falling right off. Yup well maybe one day I'll find myself riding a horse somewhere.

Right now I best finish my popsicle and surf for jobs.