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Saturday, November 25, 2006

From the Holy Vocations blog, a link to a Time magazine article:

Today's Nun Has A Veil--And A Blog

Yes, indeed, I long to live the religious life. I worry about being too old. My financial debt is great; it will take years to pay off. I do want to be happy with my job. And those who know about my work would think it awesome to have my job. I have to remind myself every day what a blessing it is. So it's not that I'm telling myself that I won't be happy unless I'm in the convent. I do try to be happy where I am, but the emptiness I feel is real.

The person closest to me is not supportive ... "You don't have what it takes." "You'll probably be happy for a year and then you'll want something else." "Must you obsess on this nun thing?" Just little stabs. The person closest to me is also the one with the most to "lose" if I enter the convent. These little stabs only push me further. Maybe I don't have what it takes, but that's up to God. Maybe I won't be happy, but I won't know unless I try. And no, I am not obsessing on this nun thing (really, how often do I blog about it?), but it is very important to me.

I lean on the stories of the Saints: St. Jean Vianney who couldn't pass his tests, St. Francis of Assissi who was deemed a deserter and imprisoned, St. Faustina who never opened the convent that she felt called to do, St. Therese who never did the missionary work that she felt called to do ... and so on. It is my job to keep my eyes on Jesus, oblivious to what gets thrown my way.


Lisa said...

As I read your today's post, it struck me: perhaps it's not happiness you should seek at the moment, but merely contentment. God still may be calling you to religious life down the road but also wanting you to enjoy the many moments of grace along the way... just a thought.

seeking_something said...

Thank you, Lisa. I'd be satisfied with contentment. The problem is that I haven't been contented in years.