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normalcy, please

Friday, March 31, 2006

Looking forward to a normal life. One week+ in the hospital isn't exactly fun. Just helping out Gumby. Nurses didn't know what to think of me, and I didn't care to explain or socialize. No, I'm not some overprotective love interest. I'm a just sticking around because Gumby so requests. When Gumby said to me this morning, "I'm sick of you." My natural reply was, "Great, can I go home now?" So I have some hours of freedom here, doing some of Gumby's laundry, running a few errands, maybe clean up the house a bit, and certainly a few rounds of web sudoku.

New job on Monday. I still have to apply to some places this week so that I can get unemployment benefits for the week.

Mass and communion has been weird, never on any regular schedule. Haven't read a lick of spiritual stuff. So out of it.

Gumby will be discharged on Tuesday 4/4, so ends the hospitalization saga. whew!

My friend with the lung tumors is up and about. Treatment at this time does not include chemo or radiation. Thanks be to God.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

As promised:

Yes, I got hired. Temporary for the moment. Permanent hire is contingent on me getting my CCNA within 120 days. Big cut in salary from my previous job, but this is going to be a great learning opportunity and a great start on a new career. I got the call on Friday. The Fed-ex package arrived on Saturday, I'm just now getting home today to pick it up; have not read it.

Gumby got tubes and such attachments removed on Friday and got moved to the re-hab unit on Saturday. It has been extremely rough going for Gumby -- psychologically, emotionally and physically. I'll get back to the hospital as soon as I can.

My friend with the lung tumors was expected to go home today or tomorrow. I heard that my friend continues to be in great spirits ... ah, so in character. And me over here selfishly fretting over the prospect of losing such a beautiful and amazing creation that is my friend.

prayers needed

Friday, March 24, 2006

Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. Gumby's medical procedure went without a hitch. Now Gumby is on the long and painful road to recovery.

Prayers needed for a friend who was recently diagnosed with malignant tumors in both lungs. Coming on the heels of Dana Reeves' death, this is a very scary thing. The biopsy was done on Wednesday and last I heard on Thursday, my friend was still in ICU but would probably be moved to a room.

Y'all take care. Back to the hospital (after I jump in the shower).


Monday, March 20, 2006

Because Gumby will be in the hospital starting Wednesday and may be there for a little over a week, and because I am the caretaker, I will be scarce. If the job does come through, I will do my best to post an announcement. Else, there will most likely be radio silence.

Peace to all.

bottoms up

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!

Since Lisa inquired...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I went with the yellow shirt. The suit was very comfortable. Went with my patent black shoes (ugh) because I didn't really have any other that would work. My other black shoes are pretty beat. Except for the shoes, I was sufficiently spiffy walking out the door.

When I got my last job, the guys interviewing me were nice and relaxed and they spent much time telling me about the job--I hardly had to say anything. The situation was similar this morning, however the guys were not as relaxed. They spent much time emphasizing how stressful the job can be and made it clear that energy, drive and determination are absolutely essential to this job. I got the message that they were reasonably concerned that folks would come in, only to find that they can't handle the stress, and drop out. To me, it's a positive sign when the interviewer spends such time telling me about the job. I interpret it to mean "We're okay with you. We want you to be okay with the job." They mentioned that it would be at least a week to do whatever it is they have to do, and that I'd start no sooner than the last week of March IF I were offered the job. So I think it was a good interview. But I'll not count my chickens yet.

I hope I'll get hired. Nobody likes a job interview; I'd like for this to be the only one I needed. One good thing: their employees dress very casually. This means that I need not spend money on a new wardrobe. My clothes are showing wear and a little tear; they would just blend right in.

Kinda whipped. Been running errands. Still gotta write the follow-up letter.

1st interview!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

10:00 a.m. job interview tomorrow (Wednesday). Well that forced me to go get a shirt for the skirt/jacket suit I got back in January. Preferred is a plain solid cream shell, but none to be found. In desperation I grabbed a white 3/4 sleeve button shirt from Target and then a butter-yellow plain oxford from Walmart. I tried on several solid color T-shirts and a polo, but oddly enough, they didn't look right ... collar opening too big, or the slope from the neck to the arm was too steep; or in the case of the polo, the collar was too high.

I did buy a very thin stretch-T meant for layering, which is great because that's what I'll use it for. If I wore a camisole, then you'd end up seeing several straps on my shoulders (seems like all shirts are see-through these days). So I prefer something like a solid tee with low neck in the front under my shirt; then you won't see it or the bra and gives a smoother look.

All day at the hospital today for Tonto's pre-operation rigamarole. Surgery on the 22nd. Folks were sympathetic that I was answering "job interview" phone calls. Fortunately there was just two. It wasn't the most convenient of situations for answering these calls.

Hope the job pans out. It doesn't pay much and for the first 90 days there will be no benefits. The first phone conversation was to inform me of that. The second phone conversation scheduled the interview. But I like the company and I think it's promising. Hope they don't need me to start until April, when Tonto will be out of the hospital. Anyhow, gotta go jump in the shower, prepare the clothes, prepare the resume and reference sheets, and study up on interviewing.


Monday, March 13, 2006

Just a nibble, but it's a start...

This afternoon, I got an e-mail from a good company requesting my daytime phone number because they want to talk to me. It's an entry-level job that I applied for, but if they allow me this foot in the door, that's all I'm asking for. It's a global company that believes in developing its people -- imagine that!

So I have to get my stuff together tonight in case they call me tomorrow.

Pray that I don't bungle this opportunity, may Jesus grease the skids for me. But if it's not His will, then absolutely may I not tread too far down that path.

I am dust

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Late Friday afternoon I flew into a rage and threw a temper tantrum and pretty much exhausted myself. No, it didn't feel good, but I was raging. Having resolved to go to Stations of the Cross that evening, I did so. I was still upset getting there. In fact I was still a little upset and fatigued Saturday. Anyhow, at Stations, I realized that I have no reason to complain. What makes me think I'm so important that I can't be insulted? What makes me think my cross is so unbearable? I made my apologies later that night and resolved once again to try to turn over a new leaf.

It turns out that my "deep hurt" happens to be others' disappointment in me. Even worse when I think their reason for the disappointment is unreasonable. In reality, their disappointment is their friggin' problem and I needn't make it mine. My responsibility stops at doing what's right the best I can. Gratitude is icing on the cake. Credit is icing on the cake. May I hope only in my Heavenly Father, and may I seek only to do what is right in His eyes. May I not forget that what I truly deserve is hell. (Of course, I still have the responsibility to uphold the dignity of my humanity.)

Saturday I went to a Dominican Lenten Day of Prayer, though I didn't stay the entire program (there is so much to do at home). I saw one of my favorite Dominicans and she was gracious to me, always moving towards me when I waved either "hello" or "good-bye," sat at the same table at lunch, and made every effort to introduce me to folks. The topic was cosmology as it relates to baptism. Having a science degree in my background, I failed to perceive the world in the touchy-feely sense of cosmology, and I don't think I quite made the connection between it and baptism. I'm not ready to go have a conversation with the flowers, and surely not ready to ask permission to speak to them. I kinda take seriously the fact that God gave man dominion over creation. But hey, it was wonderful visiting with the Dominicans and I certainly enjoyed the quiet time and food, and it's a different perspective on dust. It turns out that dust is made up of just about everything in existence: you, me, asteroids, volcanoes, butterfly wings, Japan ... you name it. I was still a little drained from my tantrum on Friday, so I wasn't able to give the Dominicans as much energy as I normally would. Perhaps next time.

room overhaul

Thursday, March 09, 2006

"it is better to need little than to have much" --from the rule of St. Augustine

Work is in progress in Tonto's room. I have moved two major pieces of furniture. And since Tonto is here working on it, Tonto can toss out. So far two boxes of old magazines have been tossed (for recycling) and one garbage bag full of stuff. Yesterday three pieces of furniture was given away to a relative who then hauled them away. Three minor pieces of furniture is being removed from Tonto's room, and one *small* desk will be moved in. Else it's impossible to make a room look better when there is way too much stuff in it.


Yesterday's volunteering was uneventful: diced up some cheese. That probably took 20 minutes of the two hours I was there. Sister was feeling talkative and talked to me about some personal stuff, like her annual vow is coming up, how she has doubts about taking the leap for life just yet, and her hopes for a 30-day retreat prior to making the vows, some difficulties in the convent, some hope with the new leadership, and that one of the postulants had left to take care of a relative.

I stuck around to eat because they insisted and because it was such good food. I then went to spiritual direction. Somehow I'm always surprised that I don't get knocked around during spiritual direction, like really get admonished. Instead I get some pointers like pray for this, and look/listen for that. I have no idea what a good spiritual direction session looks like so I've nothing to guage how things are going. I've not (yet?) gone psycho or have any crises and these are kinda like "catching up with each other" sessions, though my director is very careful to not talk about herself, choosing instead to try to keep the focus on me.

Ps 8:5

What is man that thou art mindful of him? (Douay-Rheims)

For King James version, it'd be Ps 8:4

The NAB butchers it a bit by using gender-neutral language and hence is not my chosen version for this lovely sentiment.

high school meme

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

seen at LAMLand

1. Who was your best friend(s)? Didn't have one, really ... hung with my brother's friends.
2. What sports did you play? none
3. What kind of car did you drive? Didn't drive then.
4. It’s Friday night, where are you at? Home, of course, per the parental units.
5. Were you a party animal? May have been an animal, but "party" would not be the descriptor.
6. Were you in the “In Crowd”? Wasn't in any crowd.
7. Ever skip school? Only if my brother's friends did (one of them had a car).
8. Ever smoke a cigarette? No.
9. Were you a nerd? I don't think so, but others' opinions would probably be more accurate.
10. Did you ever get suspended/expelled? No.
11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? Not aware that we had one.
12. Who was your favorite teacher? My French/English teacher. Several of the kids (usually boys) would be hostile to him because they sense that he is gay. Well, it turns out that they're right. I still call him sometimes. He's been on my mind but I haven't called him in a while. He's been very sick over the recent years ... diabetes.
13. Favorite class? Art maybe, because we basically goof off in there.
14. What was your school’s name? sorry, not telling; suffice it to say that it was an alternative school
15. School mascot? I don't think we had one.
16. Did you go to Prom? No.
17. Would you go back again and do it over? bleep NO.
18. What do you remember most about graduation? uh, that high school was over?
19. Favorite memory of senior year? no memories at all ... the years just run together
20. Were you ever posted on the senior wall? the what? never been posted anywhere, thank goodness
21. Did you have a job your senior year? No. The parental units don't believe in menial work.
22. Who did you date? Nobody. Even in high school I believed that dating is for finding a spouse and I had no intentions of getting married in high school. Besides, no way in hell was I going to get that past the parents.
23. Have you gained weight since then? No. I was chunky then, but not now. I still have fat calves though.
24. What did you do after graduation? Went to college.

It was a poor school. Most of the students were poor. For sure the teachers were poor. They still had a prom and graduation ceremonies and a big pic-nic type event. There were no team sports and barely had a music department.

God is good

Monday, March 06, 2006

Wonderful weekend. Not a discernment weekend, but the Sisters generously housed and fed us. I got a chance to run around the convent some, shared several meals, did a little office work with them, and "fixed" a TV remote control for them. They were extremely accomodating and helped us "above and beyond" in so many ways. Always a joy to be around these Sisters.

We were totally exhausted when we got back after 10 last night. Even today, we were practically sleep walking. I had to take a nap in the late afternoon.

The question for me: What is my spirituality? How do I experience God?

At the time, I didn't have a clue. But as I think about it, a few ideas are bubbling. From the start (that is, even while I was in RCIA), I'd always view that everything good comes from God. I see something good, I thank God. It made perfect sense to me that when Peter and John healed the beggar at "the Beautiful Gate," the beggar then praised God (Acts 3) and not Peter and John. I'd been enthralled that God is "rich in kindness and slow to anger." I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God; even when things look bleak, I know that God's goodness will overcome. When I don't feel so great about my day, I try to take notice of all the "good" that I've received during my day. So my spirituality is that God is GOOD, ALL GOOD. It's not a spirituality of the eucharist or of penance or of prayer or such. Not that those things are missing, but that they're not in my awareness as much.

week so far

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wishing everyone a prayerful and penitent Lenten Season!
Monday I spent the whole day and over $600 on new brake pads and rear brake cylinders. (So, the brake warning light that's been on and off for about a month was legit.) They also pointed out that I need about another $1K worth of work on the car. Yeah, okay, when I win the lottery maybe.
Tuesday volunteering was in the kitchen. I made Spanish rice and squash casserole. Actually, Sister basically had me watch the rice, she was the one that dumped the ingredients in. Then she handed me a book of recipes, picked out a simple squash casserole, handed me cooked squash, and then left me with the task as if I knew how to cook. I hope it turned out OK. As usual, I didn't stick around to eat.
Heading out of town tomorrow. Will return Sunday.