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find thy happiness

Sunday, December 17, 2006

I've been kinda bummed out for a while. Yeah, like I-don't-care-if-I-live-or-die bummed out. I've realized that I'm not very capable of making myself happy. That is not a good thing. It is unwise to enter into a relationship without first knowing how to care for your own happiness. You cannot rely on others to help you be happy. That's just not a good thing.

Even being mildly angry about the fact that the people in the city parts of China are not free to have more than one dog, and that the dog cannot be big, and that they have to get rid of the "extra" and bigger dogs they already own did not shake my bummedness.

I know I enjoy bicycling. I've just been too bummed out to drag myself out of bed in the wee hours of morning for that 7am or even 8am ride. I used to do it when I had a goal: the MS150 two-day ride from Houston to Austin. I don't have that goal anymore; my personal spending into the trip is a bit too much and the donation amount is more than I think I can beg for. But maybe I'll get my butt up and continue the rides anyways.

I also feel like I need to get away sometimes. I need more alone time at home, but that hardly ever happens. There's just two of us here, but the other party is almost always at home when I'm home.

So bicycling it will be. Maybe not this upcoming weekend though, since it's so close to Christmas.

2 comments:

T.O. said...

I hope that you will manage to get out to ride -- as you said, you have to find your own happiness, and you have conquered half the battle since you know what makes you happy!

Sandy, csj said...

You said, "You cannot rely on others to help you be happy."

How true...it took me some years to learn that happiness is indeed an "inside job"