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who knows?

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Who knows what God has in mind? All I can do is trust in His will; I know that His plans are best. Who would've thought that I'd be Catholic, or even Christian? Who knows why He waited so long to bring me to this point, why he waited until I am almost too old to enter a convent? (Yes, I know: "Say not I am too young ...")

Even now, though I am chomping at the the bit and stamping my feet in impatience, the gate has not opened. This is not to say that He has done nothing, because He has certainly done much. But I am getting impatient with the preparations; I know He is preparing both me and the community in which I am to enter.

Patience is a virtue. I do know one way to beat the devil is to have patience and persistence. Perhaps this is a battle of patience at the moment. I have no choice but to wait. And while the angels fight for me, it is my job not to crumble. Lord, it is you for whom I wait. I am in the desert, I am without daily mass, without spiritual direction, and now without Sunday communion, but I know I am NOT without YOU. The devil may dance but I know he won't win.


Jen said...

I know what you mean about "choming at the bit" waiting for God to finish up His preparations on things. I've had to repeat to myself many times "Your Will be done". It's hard...but with prayer I find some of my impatience is lessoned.

Anonymous said...

Oh, girl, I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I am praying that a break comes your way and soon!!

May you find a new and incredible depth of the spirit in something ordinary today....

seeking_something said...

Yo, thanks all.

To keep it in perspective, it isn't as bad as for some folks I know:
(1)One guy had his wife divorce him, kicked him out of the house, got a restraining order and now he can't see his kids. He had a car wreck shortly after that too.
(2)One gal had an accident at a major store. She's debilitated for life in a major way, has two young kids and is now trying to get legal claims against this big company and they keep sending her to their docs ... it's been years now.
(3)One guy had his wife walk out on him for the second time. Just up and left. They have three young children. When she did it the first time, there were only two children, so it's been quite a few years in between.

So compared to that, my life is just peachy. I do take joy in knowing that one of my favorite Dominicans is able to take vacation this week. She sure deserves a wonderful vacation.

Anonymous said...

You have my prayers. Sure, tons of people have bigger suffering than you or I do, but your suffering still counts too, Seeking. You still matter.