new name

From an e-mail this morning:
Follow the instructions to find your new name.
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = snickle b = doombah c = goober d = cheesey e = crusty f = greasy g = dumbo h = farcus i = dorky

j = doofus k = funky l = boobie m = sleezy n = sloopy o = fluffy p = stinky q = slimy r = dorfus

s = snooty t = tootsie u = dipsy v = sneezy w = liver x = skippy y = dinky z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin b = feather c = batty d = burger e = chicken f = barffy g = lizard h = waffle i = farkle

j = monkey k = flippin l = fricken m = bubble n = rhino o = potty p = hamster q = buckle r = gizzard

s = lickin t = snickle u = chuckle v = pickle w = hubble x = dingle y = gorilla z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt b = boob c = face d = nose e = hump f = breath g = pants h = shorts i = lips

j = honker k = head l = tush m = chunks n = dunkin o = brains p = biscuits q = toes r = doodle

s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles v = frack w = squirt x = humperdinck y = hiney z = juice

That would be Fluffy Wafflebutt for me.